Sighing, I watch Lex as she’s attentively listens to me and continues her gentle caress of my chest and stomach. If feels cathartic to finally voice my inner most feelings to someone other than my sister. It feels even better to open up to the woman I love, while we sit outside in the middle of spring, with nothing but the incandescent moonlight to bathe her pale supple skin. I love the way it shines off her long dark hair. Astoundingly beautiful is only a fraction of how I view my Lex.
“I would have been angry too. I’m upset just thinking about it. I understand your frustration, and I know Emma’s not mine. Even though I do love her, I wish she had a better mother too. You said you were having problems with Melissa yesterday. What was that about? Same stuff or something different?”
“Emma told her about you and her and staying the night. And about making me breakfast in bed. It was the first thing Emma shared when she went to her house. I didn’t think about talking to Emma about it beforehand. I should have known she would announce it to the world. It was the topic of her show and tell last week. She carried a My Little Pony to school and told her class all about you. Her teacher Mrs. Hammer called me the next day to congratulate me on having a positive role model in Emma’s life and how much happier she’s been. To say you’ve made an impression on her is putting it mildly. So, Melissa as you know is aware of my feelings. She knows about the obsession…”
By painfully tugging my happy trail through my shirt, she shuts me up, “Please don’t call me an obsession.”
“Sorry, she knows about my love for you. That better?”
I search her face and she smiles and bows her head. “Yes. Much.” She agrees and continues her sweet caresses up and down my body, filling me with warmth.
“As I’m sure you can understand, Melissa even though she doesn’t know you, doesn’t particularly care for you. It has nothing to do with you and who you are, it’s because of me and my feelings. Our daughter spouting happy things about you to her shitty mother basically caused my ex-wife to lash out at Emma and me. Leaving Emma a bawling mess and me so pissed I wanted to kill somebody.”
Lex gasps, covering her mouth and scoots away. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, so, so sorry.” She cries.
Shit!
I sit up and reach for her, grabbing ahold of her hand so she can’t run. “Lex, no. This isn’t about you. This is about my ex-wife being a bitch. Not about you, sweetheart. Not you at all.”
“It is too.” She cries, utterly devastated. “Emma got emotionally scarred because of me. Why do I let people I love get hurt? I hurt my father by not being the son he wanted. I hurt my mother because I wanted to be a girl and my dad took it out on her. I hurt my mom and Roni, because I thought I loved Brian when I first went to live with him. I hurt everybody. If I had just stayed away from Brian, you wouldn’t have seen my case. Emma would still have a mother and father married, and I wouldn’t be so messed up.”
My Angel is killing me. My heart is ripping down the center, weeping for her. None of this is her fault. I wish she understood that.
“No. Lex. I want you. You can’t change the past. And yes, Emma is sad for a little while. Do I like it? No. I was a raving lunatic last night. Or I would have come over. I couldn’t let you see me like that. Emma is better because of you. You make us both happy. Stop this self-deprecating nonsense.” I crawl over to her, pull her protectively in my arms and lay us down into the grass to stare at the stars.
“Can you please stop fighting this?” I whisper.
“I don’t know how. I feel like you deserve better than what I can give.” She’s so wrong about that one. It’s quite the opposite. She’s too good for me. If only she’d hold that much value in herself.
Folding her fingers into my mine, we hold hands. “If you can give me yourself, that’s all I want. Baggage, pain, insecurities, I want it all. I just want you.”
“I want you too.” She whispers so lightly to herself, I’m not sure if she knows I heard it or not. Either way, it doesn’t matter. We are making progress. And that’s the first step to our forever.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Sunday
Lex
“Wake up beautiful.” A sexy voice draws me out of my slumber, as his warm hand cascades down my cheek. “Does my Angel want some breakfast? I have a surprise for you.”
The way he says surprise has my mouth watering, turning my thoughts to something other than a normal breakfast. If that breakfast includes Gage, naked, with his thick manhood stuffed into my mouth. Then yes, that would be the best breakfast of my life. Listen to me; I’m such a naughty girl. I don’t think I’ve ever been a naughty anything.