Lex(82)

Now. Let’s see… Where do I start?

Sunday I had planned on meeting with Lincoln, but on my way to the garage, Roni approached me, and we had it out. It wasn’t pleasant and let’s just say I haven’t spoken with her since.

“I want you to be happy.” Was her rebuttal when I lashed out saying, “You screwed with my privacy, and invited a man into my life knowing how hard and painful it is for me, and didn’t even have the decency to tell me!”

You may think I was harsh, but this is my best friend we’re talking about here. Yes, she’s always stuck her nose where it doesn’t belong. I know it’s from love. However, when she gets angry and doesn’t speak to me for days because I didn’t admit to how I felt about Gage to begin with. That’s supposed to be acceptable. Now I’m supposed to just brush off the fact she’s lied to my face on numerous occasions. I’m following by example. Her lies by omission consisted of the drinks from the Suit Master at the bar. The dress. The dinner date. All of it. Now I’ve suffered through her shunning me. I’m just repaying the same gesture.

Then on Sunday after I missed my date with Lincoln, because he had to go into work, I spent two hours arguing with Roni. Gage texted and I ignored him. Monday he texted again, and I ignored him. Tuesday he texted and I ignored him. Wednesday he texted and called and I also ignored him.

I need space and I desperately need orgasms, lots and lots and lots and lots of orgasms. He has forever ruined me. I wake up horny, I come to work horny, and I go to bed the same way. I refuse to use Daniel for release, because somewhere in my catastrophically screwed up mind and most definitely my heart, just the mere thought of having Daniel make the throbbing cease, makes me ill, close to vomiting kind of sick. It’s not Daniel, he’s a good young man. It’s Gage, he’s gotten to me so badly, that every single part of me craves him, and the only thing I’ve ever craved before is chocolate and tea. Nothing else. This is new.

My mind is a mess, my heart is an even bigger mess and lady—oh, and I might as well hang it up. I masturbated three times yesterday. Yes, I said it, three freaking times. Once when I got up to make the throbbing go away. Of course, my mind always uses Gage as the muse in my sexual release fantasies. Then I masturbated in my car during lunch. You know you’re desperate when you do it in your car on lunch break. Then I did it before bed. Still, nothing has helped.

The picture of his glorious Adonis physique is burned forever into my retinas; tall, medium built, lean sculpted smooth muscles, tattoos in the most beautiful and intricate of designs that hide his scars. The cigarette burns on his thighs have been turned into stars, all a part of a nighttime galaxy of sizable majestic proportions. His body is hard, yet, soft and his dick… Oh. My. God. I’ve only actually seen three penis’s in person, in my entire life. Gage’s takes the cake and then some. It commands attention. It’s thick, long, perfectly straight and has the meatiest, sexiest, purple head I’ve ever beheld. His shaft has thick veins that protrude and his pubis is neatly trimmed. Then his balls, wow… They are heavy, hang just the right amount to stand out, it’s like they’re expressing. ‘Yes, I’m a fucking man!’ Plus, he pre-comes. I love that. I don’t know why, but when a man’s cock has that dewy drop of silken perfection glistening on the head, like it’s begging you to suck it off. It’s divine, and I nearly lost it when I got the briefest of glimpses of Gage’s tempting pre-come.

I pre-come too, but not like him. Mine’s a mess. Always has been. It reminds me of a pussy— soaking wet. Lady, acts the same way. She constantly seeps her juices. I’ve never needed lube to masturbate on the rare occasions that I do, or did. Now I can’t seem to tame this rampant incessant libido that’s beckoning for me to play nearly twenty-four seven. On Tuesday, I woke up at three a.m. from a wet dream. I’ve not had one of those in like twelve years.

I even called my doctor yesterday to ask him if my HRT patches needed to be upgraded to twice a week instead of the once a week. The hormones I used to take in the beginning were injections, but since I’ve been on hormones successfully and healthily for so many years, I opted for the newest advancements and I wear a small patch on my butt. And according to my doctor, me being hard all the time is not an indicator that my hormones are inaccurate. Since I am a woman and women drive their libido mainly from mental stimulation, he said that my mind has decided it’s horny, and therefore my body is just following suit. Damn my over excited brain!