Lex(7)

Time to have at it.

Email numero uno – this should be interesting.





From: BrandonHurt69

To: Lotionlady316 Monday 9:19 a.m

Well, hello Gorgeous,





DELETE! Next…..





From: SuitMaster6979

To: Lotionlady316 Monday 1:12 p.m.

Hello, Lotionlady316,

To be honest I’m not sure what I’m supposed to write in these types of emails. It’s always awkward and followed by even more awkwarder (is that even a word? Lol) correspondents.

So, I’m going to accept my fate in knowing this is probably uncomfortable for both of us and I will tell you what I came to say.

Honesty is the best policy. Therefore, I’m not going to lie and say your profile picture of a beautiful woman didn’t catch my attention. It did. However, that is not why I am writing you now. It seems that by reading your profile you are a rarity among online dating. You have brains, beauty, and you are an Edgar Allen Poe fan. Yes, I got the subtlety in your statement ‘Sometimes I wonder if all that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.’ That’s a great quote.

I realize my profile on here is rather vague and lacking the profound picture. However, after I spent the past six months searching for a woman and only getting emails from women, commenting on certain aspects of my looks and not of what I had created in terms of a profile. I decided that I would only seek and refuse to be sought. Hence, my profile is now private to others to view unless I email them first. I’m a man who follows the old ways, and feel that a man should court a woman. Chivalry is not dead in my eyes. In addition, as much as I know my words may express, by this time you are probably ready to delete this message in fear I am full of it. I’m not, I promise you this. And if you give me the time to show you, I would be most grateful to receive an awkwarder email in response. If not, I bid you adieu and wish you best of luck with your online dating endeavors.

Sincerely, the Suit Master

P.S. The 6979 at the end of my user name is not a sexual innuendo. It’s my birthday, just in case you were wondering.





Ok, wow, how do you respond to something frank, intriguing, yet so vague? He’s right; he doesn’t have an attached photo. His profile picture is of a dog. When signing up it was mandatory to provide a photo. So, if I had to guess, that cute lab in the picture is probably his dog. I’ve always loved dogs, just never been a dog owner myself. And I must say I am glad that he clarified that 6979 isn’t some sex freakiness. It’s his birthday. Which will make him thirty-five this year. My birthday was last month and I just turned twenty-eight. That’s not that much of a difference in age. Brian my ex was twelve years older than I am. Maybe I should stick to men my age? Or, how about none at all? Yes, that sounds more promising.

Closing down The Suit Masters email, I only have one left.





From: LarryCFish

To: Lotionlady316

Monday 3:13 p.m.

Lex, I didn’t know you would be online dating. I haven’t seen you in ages. I know you probably don’t remember me. But, we went to the same high school together. Names Larry Fisher, but most people called me Corey.

I moved back to the area a few months ago after a painful divorce. Thought since you are on here you might be interested in going to dinner with me sometime? Just as friends and to catch up. I don’t expect anything. It’s just nice to know I’m not the only one from our graduating class to be actively seeking partnership. Hope all is well and I look forward to hearing from you.





Yes, Corey, I remember him from high school. He was what we would all call the nerdy jock. He read books; quoted Shakespearean sonnets and women ate from the palm of his giant man hands. He played football and basketball and was the captain of the debate team. Also, if I remember correctly, he knocked up Maryanne, his girlfriend and they had a daughter together as soon as they graduated. Maybe that’s who he divorced. But, the main thing I remember about Corey is he was the funny, gossip guy, the forever chatterbox. Not sure if that’s a good type of man to be talking with. Although, I guess emailing him back wouldn’t hurt. Sorry, Suit Master, I’m going to stick with someone else. Good luck, maybe you’ll find a woman on here.

Resting my wrists on my desk, I ready my fingers and decide now is as good as time as ever to email Corey. So I do. It’s short and sweet and maybe I’ll actually have something to do this weekend besides sit at home reading and watching reruns of The Walking Dead or Bones. Two shows that I absolutely love. That David Boreanaz is one hunk of a man. I especially loved him back when he played Angel. Buffy was an idiot when she said goodbye to him.

Clicking send on my email, I shut down my computer and peer up to the clock. Great, I have spent the past hour on this stupid dating site. I got most of my work done that I had to get done today. If I go home now, Roni should be in her own bed, in her own apartment. So I’ll probably be able to steer clear until our morning tea.