“Lex!” Emma screeches and I stop in the doorway and turn around to see her scrambling off her dad, coming straight for me.
I kneel to meet her eye-to-eye. Coming to a halt inches from me, she wraps her arms around my neck and kisses my cheek, whispering. “I’m coming with you. We need breakfast.” Like it’s a secret.
Nodding, I whisper back. “Okay, but daddy needs to eat his too.”
“Okay.” She whispers and releases my neck, to go back to her daddy’s bed.
“I’m going downstairs; I’ll have you know what ready.” I wink at her and she does the same except her entire face scrunches and I smile. She’s too adorable for words.
“How was last night with Emma?” Roni asks, dropping into the chair across from me in the kitchen, looking like hell.
“It was great. They just left.”
“They?” She raises a curious brow.
“Gage got in late, tried to sleep with me, told him no, cried on his shoulder, literally, and Emma wanted to make him breakfast in bed this morning after they both slept here. So we did. He had to get her home to change for school and him for work.”
As each word imparts my lips, Roni’s eyes become larger and larger. I know having anybody sleep here is a huge feat in itself. I’m kind of closed off in terms of sharing my home. I wouldn’t even let Roni’s buddies’ crash here two years ago when she had a kegger in her apartment. I called them cabs and sent them home. I was worried about them vomiting or screwing in my guest bedrooms. I’ve never even screwed anybody in my house. I’m not about to let anyone else pop it’s proverbial cherry. If and when it happens, I’ll be the one to devirginize it.
“Did you kiss him?”
Out of all the things I just said, that’s what she asks? Come — on!
“Yes.” I solemnly state. Staring into my tea, rubbing the rim of the cup with my finger.
“And?”
I timidly shrug my shoulders, refusing to meet her gaze.
“Lex.” Her warning tone isn’t lost on me. I know she wants me to give up the goods. What I don’t understand is why she cares? I don’t ask her about her and Bob’s sexcapades or make out sessions. I don’t want to divulge mine. I realize its girl code to gossip and brag about such things. I just don’t want to. I loathe talking about my feelings. Other peoples, I’m more than willing to help with. Mine, not so much. I like keeping them to myself, including those of immense pleasure.
“No.” I stand and carry my half-full cup of tea over to the sink and pour it out. Turning around I’m surprised to see Roni get up from her chair and come after me. Wrapping her arms awkwardly around me, I turn hard like a statue. I know what she’s trying to do. Breaking these walls down, is not going to happen. I’m not talking about my feelings. She’s not a huggy person, that’s why I know this is a ploy. One, she’s not going to win.
“No.” I state firmer this time, with a harsh voice and set jaw. I’m starting to get angry and I don’t get angry often. It’s not pretty when I turn into a raving bitch.
“Let go.” I order, twisting in her iron arms.
“No, tell me.” Her voice pleads with me and I remain quiet.
“Dammit, Lex, fucking talk to me.” Now she’s the one getting frustrated. Join the club.
“You like him don’t you? You want to hate him, but the kiss was good, wasn’t it? He gets to you, but let me guess, you’re afraid to take the step and talk to him about trying to date. Because you seem to think, you’re some kind of fucking freak since you weren’t born with ovaries and a goddamned vagina. I’m sorry, but that’s bullshit and you know it. You’re prettier and more female than I’ll ever be. You don’t have to bleed once a month to know that.”
I close my eyes, trying not to listen to everything she’s saying. Everything that we both know is right on the money. I hate that she knows what I feel without me having to tell her. It’s hard being that vulnerable.
“What about Emma? I know you love her. I saw it last night when you cut her cheeseburger, Lex. You fucking cut the little girls cheeseburger into quarters because you wanted to make it easier for her to eat. Not even good mothers do that, Lex. Shouldn’t that tell you something? Gage comes with Emma. It’s a package, a package that seems really damn good if you ask me.”
Please God, make her stop! I can’t take this anymore! I hate that my best friend is plucking at my heartstrings and my feelings so painfully. It hurts.
“How did he taste, Lex?” The question thickly hangs in the air and it’s making it hard for me to breathe. He tasted so good, so perfect. Just like I’d always imagined the man I wanted to love me, to taste and kiss like, making me feel alive.