“I’m sorry I’ve never been the son you wanted.” I spoke, my hands wrapped around my knees, pulled to my chest. My back pressed firmly against my headboard.
“You were Lex; you just wanted to be a girl. I never wanted a girl and surely not a son who wanted to have a pussy.” He was getting angry. I could feel the edge of his voice cutting me like the knife he was playing with in his hands.
I wanted to yell at him and tell him, I don’t want to be a boy. I wasn’t meant to be a boy. That I couldn’t help feeling the way I did. I tried to change it. I tried for years to act and walk the earth like a male. Think how fucked up that would make you feel if you had to walk around the wrong sex your entire life. Having to pretend to be something you’re not, and knowing if you let the world see you for who you really are, they’d spit at you and call you degrading and hurtful words like she-male or tranny.
Instead of responding to my father, I sat in the fetal position and stared at him. The moonlight lit up my room just enough I could make out his figure and see his shoulders slumping, as his legs hung off the edge of my twin bed. I wanted to scream, I wanted the cops to come. He wasn’t allowed to be there. But, I knew if I did, he’d win and I’d be punished again.
He continued. “The day your mother and I brought you home from the hospital I was so proud. You were a great baby. So cute and loved to sit in my lap and I’d read to you. Then you turned three and it all changed for me. You liked too much girl shit. You pulled on your penis in the shower like you hated it being attached. Once you even told me to take it off. I didn’t know how to deal with that shit. I figured you’d grow out of it. You didn’t, did you?” I couldn’t tell if he was baiting me into another punishment or trying to come clean. I was scared, that’s all I knew. So I chewed furiously on my bottom lip until it bled.
“Lex? You haven’t changed, have you? You’re not a boy.”
I didn’t respond.
“Answer me dammit!” he nearly yelled full force that my mother could have heard him.
“Yes, I’m not.” I meekly muttered, sucking the blood from my bottom lip.
A callous laugh broke through the air and that’s when he pounced on me. I shrieked as the blade of his hunting knife sunk into the side of my small breast. Tearing and slicing while warm blood pouring down my side and coating my bed. My father sadistically smiling above me, he knew he’d won. I couldn’t cover my wound, his body pinned me down and all I could do was scream. As his knife continued to saw away at my flesh and then he went for my other breast. That’s when I heard my mother worried, yelling, trying to break into my locked bedroom and I passed out from the immense pain and substantial blood loss.
Two days later I woke up in the hospital, bandaged wrapped around my chest and sixty-eight stitches total to right my wrecked body. I couldn’t leave the hospital for a week. My father had been sent to prison with a fresh attempted murder charge and he’s now serving life in prison without chance of parole.
We moved to Heartfair shortly thereafter. I turned into a girl during that time and my mother bought me an entirely new wardrobe. Even my school documents my mother forged to say I was a girl. Nobody knew any different. I wore padded bras, grew my hair out, started wearing makeup, and started HRT (hormone replacement therapy). All my dreams were finally coming true. My mother taught me everything else I needed to know about becoming a woman. I started tucking lady away. And the only person who ever found out about her was Roni.
I met Roni in high school. I became the hot chick and she was the tomboy. Somehow, we hit it off one day when we were both playing volleyball in gym class and this stupid girl knocked into me on purpose. Roni helped me up from the gym floor and in the locker room she beat the girl up. It was as easy as that. We became BFF’s.
Roni was raised by severely screwed up parents. Her mom is a bar whore and her dad is a drunk who fucks everything that walks. And yes, her parents are still married. Like I said, it’s a really messed up situation. So she came to my house a lot for sleepovers. A place she felt safe and nearly moved into by the time we hit our senior year. I had willingly showed her lady a few months after our budding friendship took shape and she is never cared a damn bit.
Now I own a business with Roni, my mom still runs the flower shop and I am a woman inside and mostly outside. I got breast implants to feel more like a woman when I was eighteen, then again when I was twenty-four I went to something more realistic. I had laser hair removal on my entire body, including my privates. Being on hormones helps with any manly type hair. Which to be honest I’ve never grown, but I don’t like hair at all. On men is fine, on me, not so much. It grosses me out. So everything in my life is basically perfect. For the first time in my entire life, I feel whole, except for the not having a companion part. Which is another topic, I’m sure you’re dying to know about.