“I don’t want to talk about Boston,” she said, shaking her head, pulling him closer and squeezing her eyes shut. “Just kiss me and be quiet.”
“What the lady wants, the lady gets,” he said and covered her mouth hard, letting his control slip just a bit, grinding his cock against her thigh, hungry for more. There was nothing but the two of them in this world, touching and exploring, giving in to their need to be loved by someone and for a moment it was possible to imagine this being their world — until Julianna slowly started to pull away, pushing at him to stop. He withdrew with a worried frown, his breathing harsh as he tried to slow his runaway heartbeat. “Everything okay?”
Sudden tears filled her eyes. “No,” she answered shaking her head. This isn’t going to happen, he realized as he gave her space. She scooted away and sat up, burying her head in her hands. “I’m so sorry. I’m such a shit for leading you on like this. I thought I could do this but I can’t. It feels…wrong. And it shouldn’t! Boston is a jerk and I hate him but I think I love him, too. And if I have sex with you, when I’m pregnant with Boston’s baby…the thought of it makes me feel dirty. I don’t know what it means to be a mom but I don’t think I should be sleeping around, even though I’m really attracted to you.”
He rocked back on his heels, trying not to sink too hard into his sharp disappointment. He’d always known this could happen but he’d hoped… “Don’t cry, Julianna. It’s okay. I told you I would be your friend if that’s what you needed me to be. You didn’t lead me on. You were honest in your feelings. It’s my fault for pushing it. Can we still be friends?” he asked.
“Are you sure you want to be my friend?” she asked. “It doesn’t seem like a good trade.”
“Being around you is worth it. I meant what I said. You deserve the best and if friendship is what you’re offering…I’ll take it. For now,” he said, but his tone turned serious as he added, “Because here’s what I know about men like Boston Kincaid…they never stick around for the long haul. I would love to spare you the heartache of being used and left behind but I respect your decision to try and make it work.”
“You don’t think he can change?”
“No.”
“Not even for a baby?”
“Babies are precious but they aren’t magical,” he said. “I’ve seen it too many times. Women think a baby is going to make their man magically turn into a different person. It works in fiction…not in real life.”
Her crestfallen expression tore at his heart but he wouldn’t give her false hope. He had absolutely no faith in the idea that Boston was capable of being the man Julianna needed. And you know what? He was glad. He wasn’t going to lie — he wanted her for himself.
#
Was Miles right? Was she being stupid for clinging to a ridiculous hope that Boston might come to his senses and stop being such a domineering asshole? Why couldn’t she just let go of Boston and move on? Miles was so amazing — and a great kisser — so what was the problem? The problem was the whole time she was kissing Miles, she was thinking of Boston and there was no freaking way she was going to have sex with Miles when she couldn’t even enjoy kissing him without immediately comparing him to Boston.
She risked a look at Miles. Such a good-looking guy. Why couldn’t she feel the same crazy flutters that she did when she was around Boston? A sigh rattled out of Julianna and Miles said, “It’s okay. I understand.”
“Stop being so understanding,” she said, breaking down. “This isn’t cool. I mean, you keep talking about how I deserve more but the fact of the matter is, you are the one who deserves better than what I can give you.”
“Bullshit. Stop talking like you’re second prize. Don’t you realize you are the grand prize?”
She stared, shaking her head. What if Miles knew? Should she chance it? She couldn’t even tell her own brother — whom she loved like crazy — about the deal she’d struck with Boston. “I’ve done some things I’m not proud of,” she started, unsure of what to share. “Really, really terrible things.”
“No one is a saint in this life,” he stated matter-of-fact and Julianna wondered if Miles was the one person she could share with. He grasped her hand and squeezed it gently. “I’m here for you. All you have to do is trust me to keep your secret.”
“What if you hate me after I tell you?”