Leverage (Part Three)(12)

A polite knock at the door signaled Miles was there. She grabbed her beach bag and stuffed her towel and sunscreen inside. Well, here goes nothing. Time to put on a happy face. She opened the door with a smile. “Ready to go?” Miles asked, his gaze warming as he appreciated the view. “You are so beautiful. I'm the luckiest guy on St. John. Shall we?” He offered his arm and she laughed as she slipped her arm through his. Such a gentleman. Miles would make any woman the happiest woman on earth. So why couldn't she muster anything more than a pleasant tingle around him?

“So where are we going?” she asked, determined to forget about Boston for the day and enjoy a nice day with a good man. “All I ask is that there is food and bathrooms because that has become my life.”

“It has both plus I packed snacks and extra water.”

“Of course you did. You are amazing.”

“Well, I try. But honestly you bring out the best in me.” Miles grinned and Julianna returned the smile but inside her heart was heavier than a stone. Was she leading Miles on? She'd never dream of hurting him but maybe that's exactly what she was doing. Her heart, as much as she wouldn't wish it, seemed to gravitate toward Boston and she needed to be straight with Miles. Miles noted her silence as they climbed into the Jeep and he turned to her with a worried expression. “Are you feeling okay? We don't have to go anywhere if you're not feeling up to it.”

“No,” Julianna answered with a quick smile. “I need to get out and away. My head is not quite straight. A day at the beach sounds perfect.”#p#分页标题#e#

“Excellent. But if at any point you don't feel well, you let me know and we can cut the day short. Your health is what's most important.”

“You're such a good guy. How is it that you're not married?”

“Just haven’t found the right fit, I guess. But before you get the idea that I'm perfect — trust me, I'm not. I'm just like every guy, flawed and sometimes stupid.”

She rolled her eyes at his self-deprecation. “Is that so? Well, you’d better start showing me some of those flaws or I might make you marry me.” It was a joke but the minute she said it she knew she shouldn't have. Something flared in Miles's eyes – something like hope — and she knew she had to set him straight before she completely ruined their friendship. “Miles, you're a great guy — an amazing guy — but I don't want to give you the wrong idea. When I said that it was complicated with Boston I wasn't lying. We have an unusual arrangement that is hard to explain…”

“Do you love him?” Miles asked, cutting right to the chase.

“I don’t know.” That wasn't true. But she couldn't quite say the words. Maybe she wasn't ready to acknowledge the fact that she truly did have feelings for Boston that went beyond their arrangement. True, in the beginning she couldn't stand him. She'd been angry with him for pushing her into a despicable contract but she was just as angry at herself for being so weak that she’d accepted it. However, somewhere along the way she’d developed feelings for the asshole. Or maybe she was the asshole for letting her heart get involved. And now the baby? To say it was complicated was to say that the ocean was deep. “Here's the thing, Miles, I'm not available and I don't want to lead you on. You are a terrific guy and I'm crazy about you in a certain way but Boston is too much in my head” and heart “to let anything truly happen between us.”

She held her breath, afraid that Miles was going to kick her out of the car for being honest even though deep down she knew he’d never do that, even if he should. Miles offered her a crooked, yet slightly sad smile as he said, “I'm not blind, Julianna. Whether or not you want to admit it, you're in love with the guy. I know logic and reason never play a part in what the heart wants but I wish that you would accept that you deserve better.”

She released a relieved breath. He didn’t hate her. At least that was something. “I know I deserve better and honestly, before I met Boston I never would’ve imagined that I would be in this kind of situation but there is something between us that I've never felt before. And it has nothing to do with his money or his influence or any of that superficial crap. Because honestly I think he’s better when he's not throwing money around and acting like Boston Kincaid. When it's just he and I, and we’re just a normal couple spending time together, he’s a beautiful man. I can't believe I'm saying this and I know you probably think I'm crazy but deep down Boston…” What is she trying to say? That he was a good guy? Yeah, maybe. But given how Boston had acted as of late, that’d be a hard sell to Miles. She shrugged her shoulders helplessly, knowing she sounded like a loon. “I don't know, I'm not making any sense. I'm sorry. The thing is, I might be in love with him and I'm sorry.”