Letting Go(2)

Carson had often laughed and said he was the looks and charm and Dash was the brains of the operation. But Dash was certainly not lacking in looks or charm. They were the complete antithesis of one another. Carson was fair-haired to Dash’s dark brown, and while Carson’s eyes were blue, Dash’s were a deep brown, enhanced by his darker coloring. He wasn’t any less attractive than Carson. His was just a quieter attractiveness. Silent. Brooding almost. He had made Joss nervous back when she’d first met him when she and Carson had dated. Theirs had been a whirlwind courtship. Carson had swept her off her feet, and Joss had known that Dash was concerned that his friend was getting in way over his head. Moving too fast. The fact Joss knew that had made her wary of Dash, but over time, he’d become her rock. Especially after Carson had died.

As they drove out of Joss’s exclusive subdivision, Dash reached over for her hand, lacing his fingers through hers, and as he’d done before, he squeezed lightly, a gesture of reassurance.

Joss turned and smiled at him, telling him without words that she was okay. As they stopped at a red light, Dash studied her intently, almost as if he were trying to decipher what was different about her.

Evidently satisfied with whatever he’d seen in her eyes or expression, he smiled back, but he kept hold of her hand as he navigated through traffic on the way to the cemetery, just a few miles from where Joss and Carson had lived.

They drove in comfortable silence, but then they’d never conversed much on the day Dash drove her to the cemetery every year. Oh, Joss visited at other times, but Dash always accompanied her on the anniversary.

But that wasn’t the only time she saw Dash. He’d stepped in from the moment Carson had passed away and he’d been her rock ever since. That first year especially, she’d needed him desperately and he never hesitated, no matter what she needed, whether it was help deciphering the paperwork and red tape after her husband’s death or simply coming over to keep her company on the days she felt herself falling apart.

She would be forever grateful for Dash and his unwavering support over the last three years, but it was time to move on. It was time for her to stand on her own two feet and it was time for Dash to stop having to babysit her.

Today was not only about her letting go of Carson, but of Dash as well. He deserved more than to be saddled with the responsibility of his best friend’s widow. He had a life of his own. She had no idea of his relationships or if he was even in a steady relationship. She realized with sudden clarity just how selfish and self-absorbed she’d been since her husband’s death. Dash had been a steady fixture, one she’d taken for granted, but she would do it no longer. It would be a miracle if Dash were in a steady relationship because not many women would be tolerant of Dash dropping everything to rush to the aid of his best friend’s widow.

When they arrived at the cemetery, Dash parked and Joss immediately got out, not waiting for him to come around for her. She opened the door to the backseat and leaned in to retrieve the flowers.

“I’ll get them, Joss.”

Dash’s low voice brushed over her ears, causing a prickle at her nape. She picked up the vase and turned with a reassuring smile.

“I’ve got it, Dash. I’m okay.”

He gave her an inscrutable stare and she got the impression he was studying her again, trying to peel back the layers and get into her head. It was as if he knew something was different but couldn’t put his finger on it. Which was just as well, because Joss would die if Dash could read her thoughts. If he knew just what it was she’d planned and how she intended to move on with her life.

He’d be horrified, no doubt. He’d wonder if she’d finally snapped and he’d probably haul her into a shrink’s office so fast it would make her head spin. Which was why she had no intention of letting him know.

Her girlfriends were another matter. Chessy would understand absolutely. She’d even be encouraging. Kylie . . . not so much.

Kylie was Joss’s sister-in-law, Carson’s only sibling. They’d both grown up in horrific circumstances, and just as Carson could never provide what Joss craved—needed—neither would Kylie ever understand what drove Joss.

She might even be angry with Joss’s choices. Might think it was a betrayal of her brother. Joss could only hope she’d support Joss even if she didn’t fully understand.

But she was getting ahead of herself. First the cemetery and talking to Carson one last time. Then she’d tackle her best friends over lunch. She needed as much as possible to keep busy today, because tonight?

Tonight was when it all began.