Yeah, not so much.
Still, as difficult as the ceremony had been, the reception was proving to be even harder. At the ceremony, she had been able to focus on just doing her job. The world didn’t exist for her in any form except through the lens of her camera. Every moment, there was a new shot to frame, a new angle to perfect, a new vantage point to hurry over to and claim. As tough as it was emotionally to block out the more sentimental parts of her surroundings, at least she had the work to focus on.
Here at the reception, it was different. She was still working, but it was a completely different process. This was a more casual environment, and as such, her process needed to be more casual in order to fit in well and make people comfortable. She had to talk to them, to chat, to give them instructions about where to look and how to smile.
At any other event, In San Diego, where she knew no one, that would’ve been a snap. Here, in Hope Falls, where she knew everyone, it was proving to be somewhat more problematic. It seemed that at every single table she stopped at, everyone wanted to talk about her and Jake. In fact, from her perspective, it seemed to be a much more common topic on people’s minds even than Amy and Matt’s ceremony.
Deciding to take a break from human subjects, Tessa moved her photographic attention to the cake table. After that, she would move on to the lighting and centerpieces because ambience shots didn’t require interaction.
As she was snapping away, she pressed her eye to the viewfinder and Jake’s face came into focus across the room. He was sitting with his parents, laughing at something his dad had said, and Tessa felt her heart slam into her chest.
All day she’d had to actively stop herself from running and throwing herself into his arms. Kissing him senseless and then making him finish their conversation. The only thing stopping her was that she couldn’t be sure if he was still really mad about this morning. Since before today, he’d never even raised his voice to her. Tessa had no idea how he’d react if she approached him now. And she absolutely did not want to make a scene at Amy’s wedding.
Now wasn’t the time or place, but Tessa was not done with their discussion. Not by a long shot. She hadn’t been when he’d abruptly stomped off the porch, gotten into his SUV, and driven away. She’d stood staring down the street for what felt like an hour, thinking he would come back. That he just needed to cool down and any second his Yukon would appear at the end of the street. But…it hadn’t.
Maybe that was for the best, she thought as she redirected her attention to lighting and centerpieces. She’d had all day to think about the things he’d said to her. To try and process all the things he’d told her.
Tessa had always known how much she loved Jake, but she hadn’t realized until this morning how much he’d loved her. In her mind, Jake was Jake and he would be the same passionate, loving, caring, strong man with anyone he was with as he’d been with her. There was no doubt in her mind that he was irreplaceable in her life, but it had never dawned on her that she might be in his.
She’d honestly thought the only option she’d had was to let him go and move on with his life.
After she’d gotten all the inanimate object shots, Tessa dug in her bag and grabbed her panoramic lens so she could get some crowd pics. Her mind was swimming with thoughts of Jake, of her and Jake—the past, the present, the future. Luckily, she’d been shooting receptions for so long that getting everything she needed was second nature and required zero brain power.
Which was good because her mind kept drifting back to that day in the hospital when she’d told Gran what she was going to do. Gran had told her not to make a hasty decision. To give it some time. To talk it over with Jake.
At the time, Tessa had thought that Gran just hadn’t understood how important having children was to Jake. She’d tried to explain that there was no decision to make, there was no choice—if she’d really loved him, she’d had to let him go.
When she’d left the hospital and stayed with her aunt, Gran had insisted that Tessa wasn’t doing the right thing. Gran kept telling her she couldn’t leave him like that and not tell him the whole truth. Tessa could hear her voice now. “That boy’s been nothing but good to you and he doesn’t deserve that.” Gran had also said that she couldn’t tell her what the right decision was for her or for Jake and their life but that she was sure what Tessa was doing was wrong and that he at least deserved the truth.
So she’d listened to Gran and decided to go talk to Jake before she got on the flight and took the internship Mary had set up for her with a photographer in New York. On the way to his house, she’d even started thinking that maybe they could work things out, that the shock and finality of losing the baby might have caused her to make a rash decision, and when he found out the whole truth, Jake would be Jake and magically make everything better.