Jake grabbed her hands and pulled her towards him. “Is that what this is really about?! You stayed away because you saw me with some girl in my truck?”
“What? No!” Her brow furrowed in anger as she took a step back.
Jake followed, closing the distance between them. “Because yeah, I did sleep with girls. A lot of them. And to answer your question, it was three days. Three days before I fucked Jessica in the back of my truck. And then I think Gretchen was next a couple days late—”
“Stop it!” Tessa pulled out of his hold, shaking her head. “I don’t want to hear this.”
“No! You asked, so here it is! Yes! I had sex with a lot of girls. Hundreds, actually. But do actually think I wanted any of them?! I didn’t even know most of their names! I never saw any of them. I only ever saw you! It was always about you!” Jake grabbed her hand and put it flat against his chest. “Every time I was with one of them, I was only trying to fill the empty black hole where my heart was before you left and ripped it out of my chest.”
“Don’t say that.” Tessa’s lips were trembling, and her hands was shaking under his.
“Why not? It’s the truth. I didn’t give a shit about any of those girls. I know that makes me an asshole. But I don’t give a shit. I have loved one girl and only one girl. It’s only ever been you, Tessa!”
Jake could see her battling with what he was telling her.
He didn’t know what else he could possibly say to make her see, to make her understand. “Do you want to know why I don’t live in my own house? The one I’ve wanted since I was a kid? Because I can’t without you! That was supposed to be our house. Yeah, maybe I wanted it before I even met you, but after you left, even that dream was nothing if I didn’t have you.”
Lifting his hands, he cupped her face and wiped her tears from her cheeks. She reached up and placed her hands on top of his. Leaning down, he kissed her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, and then each eyelid before brushing his lips against hers. The only sound that filled the air was their labored breathing as they stood on the small porch.
Resting his forehead against hers, he closed his eyes as he cradled her face, desperately begging in a whispered voice, “Just stay. Please. Stay.”
Her chin started shaking and he felt tears puddling beneath his palms. Lifting his head, he looked down into her tortured blue eyes. He saw his answer. She was leaving.
Cursing under his breath, he walked off the porch as Tessa called his name. He really hadn’t believed until this moment that she would actually leave him. Again.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
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Jake stood to the side of the small altar in Hope Falls Community Church, trying to put on a good show, but he felt miserable. The bridesmaids had just walked down the aisle and Amy was next. He still couldn’t believe that his baby sister was really getting married today. He still thought of her as basically a little kid, even though he knew that was ridiculous.
He looked around, trying to distract himself from all the rioting emotions he was feeling. Everyone was dressed in their Sunday best. He smiled at Nikki, who was Amy’s maid of honor. Next to her stood Sara and Shelby, Matt’s sisters. He himself stood next to Eric and Matt’s brother-in-law, Sara’s husband. His mother sat on the front pew, already weepy even though the ceremony hadn’t yet begun.
Jake was also having a hard time keeping from misting up, but not for the same reasons as his mom. Sure, he loved his kid sister, and yeah, he was happy for her. And yes, of course, there was the fact that both sides of his heritage—Irish and Italian—had imbued him with more than a healthy sense of passion and emotion and very little inhibition about showing it. But that wasn’t it either.
No, the reason why Jake was having a hard time keeping his emotions in check was currently scurrying around the back of the church, camera around her neck, snapping pictures like a woman possessed.
Tessa. Damn. Since he’d left her this morning on the porch he hadn’t had a chance to talk to her. He’d been on wedding duty the entire day.
All day had been consumed with running last-minute errands for his mom and sisters. It had been wedding, wedding, wedding every minute. And each task he’d completed had brought Tessa to his mind. What their wedding would be like.
Tessa in a wedding gown. Tessa walking toward him down the aisle. Tessa, her face radiant as he lifted her veil. Tessa with tears running down her face as they spoke their vows to one another from the bottoms of their hearts. Tessa as he leaned down to give her their first kiss as husband and wife. And finally, he and Tessa walking hand in hand back up the aisle after Pastor Harrison announced them as Mr. and Mrs. Maguire.