Let It Snow(40)

Jake set the phone down on the table and took a deep breath. A knot formed in his throat and his hands fisted, remembering the fear that had rushed through him and how completely powerless he’d felt when there had been nothing he could do to help her. Clearing his throat, he continued. “She was so scared when they wheeled her away. She was reaching out her hand, begging me to go with her. Not to leave her.

“I didn’t know what to do. I called Adeline. I don’t even remember how long it took her to get there, but the next thing I knew, she was sitting beside me in the waiting room, telling me everything was going to be okay. She kept going up to the front and asking to see Tessa, but they told her she was in surgery. It was dark outside before they came out and told us that Adeline could go back and see her. She tried to convince them to let me go too, but they wouldn’t.

“From the moment Adeline walked through the sliding glass door until she appeared again, I just paced. Back and forth. I felt like I was coming out of my skin. I didn’t know what to do with myself. She just had to be okay. I remember the look on Adeline’s face as she came out of the doors. Everything stopped. I tried to ask if she was okay but I couldn’t speak. She assured me that Tessa was resting comfortably and was going to be all right as she ushered us into a small waiting area off the hall. After we sat down, she told me that Tessa would be okay but that she’d lost a lot of blood and that she’d lost the baby.”

Jake looked up at his brother, who was staring back at him with a blank expression. “I had no idea what she was talking about. Adeline must have seen it on my face because she said, ‘You didn’t know, did you?’ I told her I didn’t. She said that she didn’t think Tessa had known either because if she’d had any idea she was pregnant she would have told one of us.”

“Do Mom and Dad know?” Eric asked.

“No.” Jake shook his head. “Just me, Adeline, and Tessa know about it. Her parents were still in Germany, and I told Mom and Dad that I was on a camping trip.

“She was placed in ICU and I wasn’t allowed access to her until that Monday. I didn’t leave the hospital all weekend. I just stayed there waiting to see her. Adeline kept coming out and giving me updates. When she was moved to a regular room, they finally let me go back.

“I remember how small and pale she looked lying in the bed. I was so relieved to finally see her, but when I saw the look in her eye, I knew something was wrong. I moved beside her and leaned over to kiss her forehead but she moved away from me. When I sat down, I tried to hold her hand but she pulled it away from me.

“I told I loved her and how sorry I was for what she went through. I told her she was going to be okay now, that we would be okay. She wouldn’t even look at me at first. She just stared out the window and told me that this whole thing made her realize what she really wanted and that it wasn’t to be married and have kids. She said that she didn’t want to be tied down. She said that when she left the hospital she wasn’t going back to Hope Falls. She wouldn’t tell me where she was going. She just said that she didn’t want to be with me anymore and that we should both move on with our lives.”

Jake stared down at his coffee cup sitting on his kitchen table and wrapped his fingers around the warm ceramic. “I tried to reason with her and tell her that she’d been through a lot and she might feel like that right now but that we could work it out. She wouldn’t listen. Finally, she did look at me. She screamed at me to get out of her room and leave her alone. Nurses came and escorted me out of the room. Adeline was in the hall and she said it would be best to give her some time. She told me to go home, get some sleep, take a shower and come back and see her the next day. She promised she’d talk to her and call me with any updates.

“I hadn’t slept or showered or eaten in days, and I felt so lost. So I listened to her. I went home took a shower, ate, and slept for twelve hours. As soon as I woke up, I got in my car and drove back to the hospital in Sacramento. I got there at noon but she wasn’t there. She’d been released earlier that morning. So I headed back to Hope Falls thinking that I must have missed the call from Adeline, but when I got to her house, Adeline told me that Tessa wasn’t there and she wouldn’t tell me where she was. I freaked out. I couldn’t believe what was happening. I searched the whole house. She was gone.”

Jake was surprised that he actually felt better after telling his brother what had happened. He’d never talked about it before, but now he was thinking that maybe he should have.