Let It Snow(27)

She did recognize the irony in the fact that the time she’d seen him the most upset, devastated in fact, she’d been the one who’d caused it. But it had been for him…even if he didn’t know it.

Without even thinking about it, Tessa reached out and rubbed her hand up and down his back in comfort. His shirt was damp with sweat, and she could feel the muscles in his strong back rippling beneath her featherlight touch. Her mind began wandering to what his bare skin would feel like. Look like. Taste like. Her fingers began tingling with arousal just as Jake suddenly jerked to a standing position and walked to the kitchen.

Tessa pulled her hand back quickly, as if she’d touched a hot stove. Which, metaphorically, she guessed she had. Jake was hot, and touching him could only lead to her getting burned. Looking down, she began petting Lucky again and tried to shake off her intense physical reaction to Jake.

It had always been like that with them. Just being in his presence had never failed to cause her body to come alive with passion and desire. Then the second they’d touch, electric bliss would spread through her. Like his body was a living, breathing live wire.

When he’d carried her into the house earlier, she’d still felt like she had been coming out of a deep sleep. She hadn’t been fully present. It had felt more like she had been sleepwalking—or being sleep-carried.

But just now when she’d touched him, she realized that, if anything, his effect on her had increased—not decreased—in the thirteen years they’d been apart.

Great. That was just what she needed. One more thing to add to her list of things that sucked. No, she shouldn’t look at it that way.

Tessa had made the decision over a decade ago when it became glaringly obvious that she would never get over Jake and that no man would ever come close to taking his place in her heart, that she would just be grateful for the fact that she’d had that once-in-a-lifetime love. Some people lived their whole lives and never experienced even a tenth of what she’d had with Jake.

“So you’ll stay here,” Jake pronounced as he leaned casually against the black slate countertop of his kitchen island. His hands rested on the sleek black counter on either side of him and he crossed one ankle over the other, appearing to be the poster boy of cool, calm, and collected.

But Tessa knew Jake. He was far from relaxed and calm. The vein in the left side of his neck, that only popped out when he was extremely aroused or really pissed off, was popping out something fierce. She’d loved that vein. When they would make love, she would lick from the bottom of it to the top where it disappeared beneath his earlobe. He would always growl with male appreciation and grow bigger inside of her.

It would also make an appearance when he was mad over a bad ref call when he’d played football or when his friends would talk about how hot his little sisters were. One quick glance down to his sweats told her that Jake was not suffering from the same reaction to her as she was to him, so that left really pissed off.

“I can’t stay here, Jake,” she replied firmly. Talk about a daily reminder of what she could have had. Staying here would be a cruel form of emotional and mental torture.

“Why not?” Jake crossed his arms, causing the thin cotton material that covered them to pull taut, and the sight made Tessa’s pulse race.

Holy hot tamale!

Standing in front of her, all six foot two of him, Jake wasn’t just sexy. Sexy she could handle. No. He was toe-curling, spine-tingling, panty-melting, mouth-watering, forget-your-name-and-birthday sexy. It made it very difficult to carry on conversations with him. Always had.

“What?” Tessa asked since she had completely lost her train of thought.

The corner of his mouth twitched. Damn it. She’d been caught.

“Why won’t you stay here?” he asked again.

Since he hadn’t answered her honestly the first time, she decided two could play the question game. “Why do you want me to stay here, Jake?”

They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. She hated awkward silences, but she was not about to answer first. Nope. If he wanted to know why she couldn’t stay here—which she would have thought was obvious!—then he needed to tell her why he even wanted her there in the first place.

Again, his large hands raked through his hair in frustration. “I don’t know,” he said, and he looked back at her, holding his hands out then dropping them back down. “I just do.”

The lost look in his gorgeous brown eyes crushed the remaining pieces of her heart. In that moment, she knew. It didn’t matter what staying in this house would cost her. If that’s what Jake wanted—needed—then she had no choice.