[Legacy Of The Force] - 05(25)

“Thanks.”

“It’d never have worked anyway. You’re not the wheedling type.”

It might have been an insult or a compliment, but she had no way of knowing with Fett.

I want to like him. He’s not likable, but he’s not what you told me he was, either, Mama. How could you even know?

Mirta found herself arguing with a dead woman, hating herself for it, and finding that nothing she thought she knew was solid any longer. She took one hand off the speeder’s grab bar and eased the heart-of-fire from under her chest plate to grasp it. Maybe it would tell her something sooner or later.

“Great painkillers,” said Fett. She could see the dried blood on the knuckles of his left glove as he flexed his fist. The stain was bothering him. “Thanks.”

There was the faintest tinge of warmth in his voice. It was a start.

JACEN SOLO’S OFFICE, GAG HQ, CORUSCANT

There was a voice in Jacen’s head, and he never knew whose it was. At times it was clearly Vergere, clearly a memory, but at others he wasn’t sure if it was his own thoughts, or Lumiya’s suggestions surfacing from his subconscious, or something else altogether. There were times when he even thought it was his conscience.

It was his conscience now, he was sure of it. All he could see was his daughter, Allana.

So you’re not thinking about Tenel Ka, then …

Whatever act he had to perform to become a full Sith Lord, it would be extreme. It had to be harder than killing a fellow Jedi; harder even than herding Corellians into camps, or turning on his own parents and sister, or subverting democracy.

It had to be the most painful decision he’d ever taken.

I just can’t kill my little girl.

Who says I have to? What would that prove?

That you’d do anything to acquire the powers to bring peace and order to the galaxy.

It was Allana’s future that had made him start down this path. Now it would be a secure future for everyone’s kid except his own.

That’s what it’s about, Jacen. Service, painful service. Embrace that pain.

No, it wasn’t service. It was insane. He wouldn’t do it. But was it any different from sending your own children to war, making the same sacrifice as millions of other parents? Wasn’t it always harder to give a loved one’s life than your own?

No. The only sacrifice worth making is your own life.

But Lumiya said he’d know. She said he’d know what he had to do when the time came, and she couldn’t tell him. He’d been with Tenel Ka and Allana since then. He’d felt nothing, no hint from the Force that this was the final step, that these were the people he had to kill.

Maybe this is denial. Delusion.

It’s not Allana. It’s not even Tenel Ka.

“It’s not them,” he said. “It has to be Ben.”

And then he was back in his office, horribly aware, looking up at a bewildered Corporal Lekauf. There was a cup of caf on the desk in front of him and he hadn’t seen anyone put it there.

He’d never been that distracted before. It scared him. He couldn’t afford another lapse like that.

“Lieutenant Skywalker hasn’t reported for duty yet, sir.” Lekauf—grandson of the officer who had faithfully served Lord Vader—had a scrubbed freckled cheerfulness that prevented him from looking menacing even in black GAG armor with a BT25 blaster. “Can I help?”

Jacen felt his face burn. “Apologies, Corporal. I was thinking aloud.”

“That’s okay, sir. I thought you were doing some of that Jedi stuff. Communing.”

Jacen had to think for a moment. “Melding?”

“That’s the stuff.”

“I think I need more caf before I try that today. Thank you.”

“Did you get Admiral Niathal’s message about kit, sir?”

“What’s that?” Jacen checked his datapad and assorted comlinks. Bureaucracy didn’t come easily to him. He’d make sure he had the best administrators when he—

When I what?

When I rule as a Sith Lord.

The idea was 90 percent sobering, 9 percent inappropriately exciting, and 1 percent repellent. If he could have identified the source of the revulsion—a distaste for power, an old Jedi taboo, plain ignorance—he would have listened to it. But the voice wasn’t loud enough. It was his small fears, his reluctance to accept responsibility, and that was something he had to ignore.

“She says some of the front-line units are having problems getting the kit they need,” Lekauf said. “Annoying stuff. Specialist ordnance, comm parts, but some seriously non-negotiable items like medical supplies, too. They’re also complaining that the cannon maintenance packs aren’t up to standard and they’ve had some malfunctions.” Lekauf raised his eyebrows. “We’re starting to find problems acquiring what we need, too, sir.”