“Come on, Mom,” Ben said. “Let’s go find a nice spot on the lawns and I’ll teach you how to vanish.”
They said it was a sure sign of imminent old age when your kids could teach you things. It was a simple thing, hiding in the Force, but then so was dieting, and not many people could knuckle down to that and make it work, either. Ben was a remarkably patient teacher. After a couple of hours, she could manage a minute or two without needing to grab something solid.
“I’m sorry about Lekauf,” she said, putting her arm around him as they walked. “I’m sorry I wasn’t very kind to him. Sounds like he was one of the best.”
“He did it to make sure I got away. How do I live with that kind of sacrifice, Mom?”
“By making your life count, I think, so that his wasn’t wasted.”
It was the closest she’d ever felt to Ben, and probably the first time they’d really related as adults. It left her feeling profoundly happy. The irony wasn’t lost on her that it was in the midst of some of the worst events and greatest threats they’d ever faced. Times like this made you painfully aware of what truly mattered.
“Ben, you’re probably going to see a side of me soon that isn’t good old Mom.” He smelled wonderfully of that indeterminable Ben-ness that she had enjoyed when he was tiny, and that was still there under the scent of military-issue soap and weapon lubricant. “But I want you to know that whatever I do, however much of a stranger you think I become, I love you, and you’re my heart, every fiber of it. Nothing matters to me more than you.”
She stopped to hug him, and he hugged her back rather than just submitting to the indignity as he usually did. It went on for a while.
“You know why I believe you, Mom? Because you didn’t tell me to trust you. Everyone else tells me to trust them, and that’s usually the cue that I shouldn’t.”
Mara got another glimpse of the man her son would be, and the mother she’d been so far. It hadn’t worked out so badly after all.
She knew only too well what the stakes were now, and what she had to do.
JACEN SOLO’S APARTMENT, CORUSCANT
Ben?” Jacen looked around the apartment, but there was no sign of his young cousin. He’d probably gone back to see his parents. He still needed reassurance about the dark necessity in life, passing through that stage between being oblivious of consequences with the careless cruelty of a child, and the more sensitive but responsible acceptance that life dealt harsh and unavoidable hands to many. At the moment, Ben both felt too much and had too little life experience to handle the pain.
Jacen looked through the contents of the conservator and decided to order a delivery from a restaurant instead. There was a pattern now,
he realized, and it was becoming less of his making; he’d put the pieces in place, the Force had responded, and now it was his turn to make choices when it offered them. It was a dialogue.
Lekauf was part of the pattern, too. But Jacen was still working out why it hadn’t been Ben who’d died. He’d almost been sure that was the way it would end.
So I thought my destiny would let me off the hook with him. It won’t.
Jacen comlinked an order for a three-course Toydarian low-fat banquet, and ran a tub of hot foaming water in the refresher. The steam condensed on the mirrored wall, and he found himself writing in the haze with his fingertip.
HE WILL IMMORTALIZE HIS LOVE.
It still didn’t make sense. If it meant killing the person he loved most, as Lumiya said, then there was no question: he would have given his life for Allana. But at every turn in the last few months, he’d ended up protecting her. You’ll know when it happens. Lumiya was certain of that, and Jacen believed it, too.
Immortalize. Make immortal. Write into history. Make permanent. Why not just kill ? Maybe I translated the tassel wrong.
People read holozines in the tub to relax, but Jacen found himself behaving like a bachelor slob and eating his take-out banquet. He was exhausted. He had the feeling he was coming to the peak of a wave, struggling up the gradient, and that when he hit the crestthat final hurdle to his Sith destinythings would ease and make sense.
Jacen laid his fork on the edge of the tub and overwrote the prophecy again in the condensation.
HE WILL IMMORTALIZE HIS LOVE.
Killing what you loved was the ultimate act of obedience and submission to higher duty. He’d seen a feature on the holochannels about a tribecouldn’t recall which, where, whenwho trained their elite troops by giving them a nusito pup when they entered the cadet program. They were encouraged to bond with the pup, to race it against other cadets’ nusitos, and to generally learn to love it. Then, before the cadet could graduate, he was ordered to strangle his pup. If he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, he was kicked out. He had to be able to put duty before emotion.