But not right then. At that moment he really wanted his mother and father to know exactly where he was, and to help him find out where he was going.
He wanted to tell them how bad he felt about Ailyn Habuur and Jacen.
But that was wrong. If he had a problem with Jacen, he ought to do things like a grown-up and have it out with him like a man before whining to his mom and dad.
Besides, there were other things he wanted to talk about.
“Hi, honey,” said Mara. She looked him up and down and he wished he had changed out of his uniform. “What’s wrong? Have you been waiting long?”
Ben hugged her and then turned to his father to give him an awkward embrace. He wasn’t sure how he had to behave with him now. Most of the time he’d wanted not to be just Luke and Mara Skywalker’s kid, but at that moment he was almost relieved that he was.
“Can we go have lunch, Dad?”
“Sure. Something really is wrong, isn’t it?”
Ben should have told them right away, but he’d thought about it a little more and he was ready now. He needed to talk.
“I killed someone,” he said. “And I feel really bad about it.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
I regret to announce that the Corellian government has declined our offer of talks unless the Galactic Alliance undertakes to recognize the right of Corellia to maintain its own independent defense force and deterrents. As the Alliance is unable to accept a refusal to disarm, we are now in a state of war with Corellia and her allies.
-Chief of State Cal Omas, in a brief statement to the Senate
MILLENNIUM FALCON EN ROUTE TO CORONET.
Even sitting at the Falcon’s controls again couldn’t make Han feel any better. He wanted events of the last few days to wind back like a holorecording so he could erase them and do things right this time.
Corellia loomed larger in the viewscreen. At least they could land openly now and the worst thing that would happen would be a few jeers about being a traitor-if anyone remembered that far back. A few weeks was a very long time in a war. And he didn’t care any longer if the Solos were a political embarrassment to Luke. Luke had made his choice.
And my son is turning into a monster.
Leia reached across and put her hand on top of his as he gripped the forward thruster controls.
“It’s eighty kilos per square centimeter.”
“What is?” asked Han, distracted.
“The yield stress of durasteel. You look like you’re testing it.”
Han let go of the controls. The autopilot was active anyway. He had been gripping the yoke for comfort because he felt it was about all he did have a grip on at that moment in his life. “Is it us? Did we raise him like that? How did we do it? How come Jaina isn’t like that?”
“I don’t know what’s happening either.”
“I thought I understood all this dark-and light-side stuff. So it’s all part of the one Force. So what did I meet back there that used to be our Jacen?”
“Honey, you have to calm down.”
“Jacen tortures prisoners to death. How can I calm down? Is he going crazy? Does he feel different to you?”
Leia was always the sensible one with the cool nerves and the ability to make everything sound as if it were under control. He was the one who did the physical stuff. That was the way their marriage worked, and it had withstood some pretty terrible tests. Now she looked as if she couldn’t make things right again.
“Okay,” she said. “Jacen feels … changed to me. Maybe this is what’s getting to Jaina. She’s very unhappy. I can sense it.”
“At least she’s not flying missions. She saw sense.”
“But she hasn’t contacted us, which usually means there’s something she thinks we’d be better off not knowing.”
“You think you could maybe trade Force telekinesis for telepathy if you get the chance? That would really come in handy.”
Han rubbed his hands over his face and then checked the control console. They’d land in an hour. But Thrackan was gone forever. That was something. And the Falcon was airworthy again, which was another plus.
“When Fett sees the state of the body, he’s going to work it out for himself,” said Leia.
“Maybe he won’t look.”
“He doesn’t strike me as the squeamish sort, honey.”
“He never saw her for fifty years. It’s not like he cares about her. What sort of father doesn’t see his kid for years?”
“Well, we didn’t see Jacen for five,” Leia pointed out.
“That was different. Are you scared of Fett?”
“I like to give him a wide berth.”
“I’d like to say I can take him anytime, but I have my doubts.”