“I don’t want you to buy me time,” I said, and looked up at her. “I don’t want anyone to buy me time.”
There was a silence for a few minutes after that, a kind of peaceful calm punctuated only by the beeping of the machine.
“What is it about him?” I asked, and looked at her. “What brought you two together?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Kat said, and took his hand in hers, holding his limp fingers in her grip. “When I met him, I was ... completely blank. I didn’t know my name, what had happened, I had no idea what I was or anything about myself.” She squeezed his hand in hers as the respirator pushed up and down behind us with a gasp. “He was so kind. My only friend, really.” She looked at me, but I didn’t look back. “Do you know what that’s like? To be alone in a sea of people, not really sure about yourself, trying to figure out if there’s a friendly face in it somewhere?”
“Yes,” I whispered. “I believe I’m familiar with that.”
“It’s a lonely experience,” she said. “He was there for me during that, guiding me along, making me feel like someone cared.” Her hand let his go. “He made it easier, learning again, finding out who I was. He helped me define myself, figure out who I was just by being him.”
“But you forgot him,” I said, staring at Janus’s closed eyes, his slack face.
“Yes,” she said. “I did.” It was barely a whisper.
“How did it happen?” I asked, cocking my head to look at her.
“I ... I don’t remember,” she said. “I honestly have no idea. Sometimes I think I get ... little flashes? But nothing that sticks. It’s like there’s a wall, and the things I can see of him are on the other side of it, but there are things I’m missing now, too, like ...” she looked over her shoulder, “... like Scott. It’s still so uncomfortable to walk past him in the hallways, did you know that?”
“I can imagine,” I said. “I don’t think it’d be easy to deal with the fact that your first love has completely forgotten you.”
“Yeah,” she said. “Anyway, I can’t imagine leaving this place again before the storm. If nothing else, maybe we draw some of Century in and keep them busy for you.” She turned and looked at me. “He was in this fight. He believed in beating them, believed you could do it, that you’d save us all somehow. I can’t take him away now, even if it means his death. He’d be so upset with me.”
“All right,” I said, and tasted the bitter reluctance. “You can stay. Just ... be careful. And ...” I looked her over. “Are you armed?” She nodded. “Good. You’re a fair shot with a pistol, and you may be dealing with mercenaries again. Either way, aim for the head and the heart, because if you’re fighting metas, that’s the only thing that’ll kill a strong one.”
“I’ve got my powers, too,” she said with a little twinkle in her eyes. “I can do things you haven’t seen yet.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” I said and brushed past her on the way to the exit. “Take care, Kat.”
“Sienna,” she called to me, and I turned, looking back as the doors opened for me. “I believe in you, too. That you can save us. I believe it with everything I have.”
I tried to take a breath, tried to feel the calm of her words, but there was no solace in them. Not for me, the person everyone was counting on. “I wish everyone felt the same as you did.” I turned and walked out, thinking to myself that what I really wished was that I was one of them.
Chapter 37
Night fell, darkness swooping down on us like an unwelcome guest. Preparations had been made, quietly, and some were off attending to them even now. Karthik and my mother were absent, as was Reed, still. I hadn’t seen him since he’d thrown his badge down at the meeting. I stared at Scott, who sat on the arm of my couch, rubbing his fingers against his leather jacket. Ariadne sat in the chair across from me, as did Li, who was studying the smartphone in his hands as though it carried the secrets of life itself. Kurt was in the corner, looking surly but representing the human agents, what few of them we had.
“Where are we at?” I announced, breaking the grim silence.
“Dormitory is locked down,” Kurt said. “Only way in or out is through HQ, the basement tunnel.”
“Good,” I said, nodding, my stomach churning.
“All non-security personnel are furloughed,” Ariadne said, looking up at me. “All the essential ones are working out of the FBI building for the foreseeable future. Hopefully Century will restrict their activities to our metahumans, for now.”