“Prove it,” I said with a smirk. “Where’s the body?”
“Maybe we could just take a step back from the precipice here—” my mother started to speak, but was cut off.
“I don’t need to prove that you killed Wolfe—” Li started.
“Even though it was self-defense,” I said, “his hands were wrapped around my throat—”
“—I can prove that you killed Glen Parks and Clyde Clary,” Li said, “that you shot up Eve Kappler, left a bloody mess in her apartment. You didn’t even bother to try and cover your tracks, you were so arrogant—”
“Maybe I was worried about other things,” I said, and I could feel myself shake from some combination of rage, fear and guilt, in proportions I couldn’t even put numbers to. “Is that what this is really about?” I looked Li down over the desk.
“Yeah, that’s what this is about,” Li said hotly. “It’s about the fact that Foreman—the senator—took the keys to our last line of defense against the single greatest threat of our time and he put them in the hands of murderer who has zero remorse for what she’s done.”
His words sent my mind reeling. “You ... have no idea whether I have remorse or not.”
“You were almost gleeful about killing Wolfe,” Li said, almost spitting his disdain at me.
“If it had been one of your buddies in the FBI that had brought down a multiple murderer, you’re telling me he wouldn’t have been at least a little proud about it?” I tossed that one back at him. “He wouldn’t have gotten a few beers bought for his achievement?”
“You’re not one of us,” Li said tightly.
“I AM!” I roared back at him. “I have been all along! I’ve been training to police metas for the last year, pouring my life into it. I did what I was supposed to do, the responsible thing, by learning how to make sure that no meta ever got out of control again like Wolfe did. I trained to stop maniacs like him, like Gavrikov, like Omega, and I’ll be the first to own up to my mistakes, but you can’t possibly think I was in the wrong before that.” My voice almost crossed to imploring. “I saved the city from Gavrikov. He wanted to give people peace by blowing everything up and I drained him to stop it from happening. I did everything I could to do things right, to avoid killing.” My voice grew hoarse. “And it cost me everything.”
Li stared at me, and I saw a burning anger behind his eyes. “You killed Zack.”
“I did not,” I said, feeling the stinging feeling of pain inside me. “I was used. He meant more to me than anything, and I would never have hurt him voluntarily.”
I saw a glassy sheet come over Li’s eyes. “You’re still a murderer. Nothing changes that. You’ve got blood on your hands. Whatever you thought you were, it changed the day you crossed that line, just as surely as it has with any number of people who set out to do good and let power ruin them.” He folded his arms. “You’ve got nothing to keep your power in check. You think you can just do whatever you want. It’s why you didn’t worry about cleaning up your crime scenes, it’s why you didn’t care. You’re not as bad as Sovereign, but you’re getting there.”
I bit my lip and didn’t tell him that the reason I didn’t care was because I'd been planning to kill myself after killing Winter. That was nobody’s business but my own. “Well,” I said, “let me quote an old movie for you that was one of Zack’s favorites—‘Send a maniac to catch a maniac.’”
Li’s face went hard. “Get out.”
I started to say something else, something wise-ass, something totally me, the girl who didn’t know when to shut up nor how to do it, but I watched his red face, watched his chest heave up and down with emotion and fury, and I just canned it. I turned and walked out, holding the door for my mother, who followed wordlessly. I shut it quietly behind me, taking care not to even rattle it on its hinges.
Chapter 26
“I’m sending you to Portland tonight,” I told my mother as we walked across the top floor bullpen of the agency.
“Why?” my mother replied as we walked into my office. I looked at the bare walls and suddenly I hated them; they were even more sparse than the walls of Old Man Winter’s old office, but at least I had a wooden desk instead of rocks on top of other rocks.
“Because it’s the right thing to do,” I said, throwing myself back onto my leather chair. I leaned my head against the plush leather. I hadn’t picked it out; Ariadne or someone else in admin had, but I had to admit it was a damned good choice. Between it and the couch against the far wall that I slept on at least one night in four, I felt pretty fortunate in the office furniture department, like I’d won some sort of internal Agency lottery. “Li’s right, the FBI has been feeding us intel all along, Foreman’s gone out on a limb for us. We owe them.”