“I’m afraid to touch one and disturb the artful presentation,” Nikki teases.
I grab the smallest t-shirt I can find, hoping it will be tight in all the right places, and toss it at her.
“Great, thanks.” She turns.
“Leaving with my shirt?” I ask.
“I was just going to look for the bathroom to change.” The pink sting is back in her cheeks as she awkwardly tries to figure out if I really expected her to undress in the middle of my room.
As much as I’d love to watch her take off her shirt, and the pink in her cheeks certainly stirs something inside me, I let her off the hook. Kissing her chastely on the lips, I say, “Change right here. I’m going to take a quick shower anyway. I have a feeling you’re being polite and not mentioning what I smell like.”
“I did make you sweat pretty hard,” she smiles.
I know she means the race but I walk over to her and say, “Yes, you really make me sweat.” She laughs and pushes me towards the door.
***
Five minutes later I find Nikki in my room with that old t-shirt of mine on. It’s as tight as I expected, a perfect fit for my liking.
“I borrowed your brush too. Tried to do something with this mess of hair,” She runs her fingers through her now loose, shiny hair.
“It’s beautiful,” I say as I reach her space and quickly invade it.
She’s backed against my desk chair and only feet from my bed. The trouble alarm is going off at a blaring volume in my head. But the need to touch her again, feel her body against mine like it was last night, outweighs any concern about where things might lead to. My thumb brushes her parted lips and my body responds instantly when she lets out a low gasp with a sharp intake of breath. Screw it— concern about where things might lead quickly turns to hope that they will. Just as I lean in, Nikki dodges my kiss and turns to my desk. Nervously, aiming to lighten the moment, she lifts something, dangling it from her finger with a cheeky grin. “Aren’t we a little old for a Batman mask, Zack?”
Her hands are on the mask Emily gave me on my 12th birthday, our little private joke. The life drains out of my body as I snatch it from her hands.
I take two steps back. Two steps away from her physically, but miles of distance stretches between us suddenly.
“You should probably go,” I say, walking to the door of my room. The look on Nikki’s face causes me physical pain. She’s confused. Hurt. Probably even a little embarrassed. Selfishly, I wallow in the feel of my own pain as it washes over me, ignoring the sadness etched into her face as I escort her to the front door.
Chapter 27
Nikki
I stand at the top of Zack’s driveway, staring blankly ahead. For a second, I feel like I might have imagined the last five minutes. Then I turn back and see the closed front door, the sound of it slamming shut behind me ringing in my memory over and over again. What the hell just happened? I half expect him to open the door and tell me he’s joking.
But he doesn’t.
Feeling tears well in my eyes, I blink, trying to dam the flood looming just beneath the surface. I can’t cry. Not here. I squeeze my eyes shut and ball my fists until my nails dig deep enough into my palms that it causes me pain. Taking a deep breath, I dig my iPod from my pocket, spin the volume up as high as it can go and pop in both earbuds.
Concentrating only on forcing one foot in front of the other, I make it down the long driveway just as tears begin to blur my vision. I’m about to turn from the house and take off running, when a hand grabs me.
Whipping around, I rip the earbud from my ear as the woman repeats the words she’s just said. Only this time I can hear them. “Your name?”
“What?” Confused, I ask, even though I’ve heard her question. She doesn’t repeat herself. Instead she just stares at me. I look down at my arm, where she’s holding me just below the elbow. Her hold is strong and suddenly I feel nervous even though it’s the middle of the day and we’re out in the wide open.
Her face is hard and serious, as if I’m trying her patience, even though she’s the one with her hands on me. I attempt to pull my arm from her grip, but it’s no use, her fingers are locked around me.
“Nikki,” I say.
She keeps her eyes locked on me but releases my arm. I should run, but something keeps me standing in place. “Why are you here?”
It’s a question I’m not sure I know the answer to. What the hell am I doing here? Zack didn’t invite me. I just showed up. The tears I’d been fighting win out and trickle down my cheeks. “I don’t know. But I shouldn’t have come.”
The woman makes no move to follow me as I take off running. She just stands there, motionless, staring in my direction as I run away.
***
By the time Aunt Claire comes to my room to tell me we’re leaving for brunch soon, I’m not lying when I tell her I’m sick. I drowned the sound of my sobs in a shower long enough for my skin to prune and turn bright red. My head throbs with the aftermath of my crying jag.
“I hope it’s not the flu,” she says, feeling my head for the second time. “The ER has been pummeled by the flu this year. I don’t know why people don’t take their kids for shots.” Realizing my mom probably hadn’t thought about the flu, she backtracks. “I’m sorry, Nikki, I didn’t mean….”
“It’s fine, Aunt Claire. I know what you meant. And I’m sure it’s not the flu.”
She looks at her watch and then back to me. “Maybe I should stay home.”
“To watch me sleep? No, you go. You’ve been looking forward to seeing your friends. I’ll be fine. I promise.”
She looks torn, but agrees. “You’ll call me if you feel any worse?”
“Yes.”
“You promise?”
“I promise.” I smile, feeling comforted by her concern and wanting to reassure her.
Exhausted from my own emotions running a marathon, I fall asleep for a while. I wake up to my phone chiming. A glimmer of hope fills my heart. It could be Zack apologizing. Maybe he was just having a bad day and realized how much he hurt me.
I swallow back tears at seeing Allie’s name on my phone. Not ready to give up hope, I scroll down just in case I’ve missed a text. There’s nothing from Zack. Allie wants to go to a movie. She’s become a good friend, but I’m not in the mood. I text back that I’m not feeling well. But all I really want is to talk to Ashley.
I dial Ashley’s cell, silently praying that her mother has paid the bill. She answers on the second ring and I roll onto my side in the fetal position, ready to spill my guts.
“Hey,” I say. “You busy?”
“Not at all. Supposed to be watching my Mother’s four spawn but a rerun of Jackass is on, so the TV is babysitting.”
“Even the six year old?”
“It’s Jackass, every age loves it.”
I laugh. “I wasn’t worried he wouldn’t love it. Just wondering if a six year old should be watching it.”
“I’d read to them,” she says defensively. “But I don’t have any books now that you’re gone.” I hear the squeak of the rusty-hinged front door open and then slam shut. She’s gone outside to talk. “How are you?”
“I’ve been better.” I sigh, rolling onto my back.
“What happened? Whose ass do I need to kick?”
I feel pathetic and sad and a whole lot confused. “I don’t know.” A tear slowly rolls down my face. “I have no idea.”
“Start from the beginning,” Ashley says. And I do. I tell her about the lighthouse and the kiss and how great everything was. How thoughtful Zack seemed and all of the time we spent steaming up the car windows. Even as I tell her, the whole day makes no sense. I suppose I thought walking through the last few weeks aloud would bring an ah-ha moment. Where everything would finally click and make sense. But it only confuses me more.
“So he basically leaned in to kiss you and then walked you out.”
“Basically.” It sounds ridiculous to say it, but it’s really how I see things happened.
“Maybe he’s got the crazies like your Mom.”
“Bipolar,” I correct her for the millionth time.
“Whatever. He sounds like he’s got it. Maybe you’re a carrier and you gave it to him when you kissed him.” She’s teasing, trying to make me feel better.
“Oh and I didn’t tell you the weird part,” I say.
“You mean there’s a part that’s weirder than him groping you then showing you the door?”
“The weird part isn’t about Zack. It’s about the woman.”
“What woman?”
“The one that was staring at me on the first day of school. Remember? I told you about her. It sort of freaked me out for a minute. But then she just disappeared.”
“Okay.”
“She grabbed me when I was leaving Zack’s house and started questioning me.”
“Questioning you about what?”
“Why I was at Zack’s house, I guess.”
“What did she say?”
“She asked me my name and then asked what I was doing there.” I picture the woman’s face as I speak. She was angry.”
“Who is she?”