Dead. Now that Lucky was dead.
I still had nightmares about it. Still thought about what it was like to take a life, but with Bridgette still missing and everything in my life falling apart, it seemed killing someone had fallen to the backburner of my attention, which even I knew was messed up on many levels.
Cavin was out of breath when he arrived, carrying two steaming cups of coffee. He handed me one and sat behind his desk. "Thank you," I said, sipping the hot liquid and enjoying the feel of it burning down my throat.
"You're very welcome, dear. Now, what can I do for you?"
He'd already asked about the case against me, about Bridgette, and about my health. He'd also vetted my attorney and deemed him the best money could buy. But now I needed something more personal from him. I showed him one of the letters Maxwell had given me. "This talks about a place my mom went to write. Do you know where that was?"
It was a stretch that he'd know, but I was rewarded for my efforts when he nodded, his eyes getting the far off look he got when talking about her. "It was the cabin, the one in the photo I gave you. It's a few hours from here. She spent a lot of time there, writing, thinking, getting away from the hustle of life. Sometimes I'd join her and we'd read, study, write together. Sometimes she went alone."
I leaned in, eager for the first time in a long time. "Would you be willing to take me there?"
His eyes snapped back to me, his mind returning to the present. "Hmm, well, I suppose we could do that. It's just been so long... " His voice trailed off.
He seemed so sad, so mournful, that my resolve faded. "If it's too hard for you, we don't have to."
"No, I will. I will. It's time to face the ghosts of my past, isn't it? Time to face them."
I left him in his thoughts and met up with Ash in the center of campus. He smiled when he saw me and I let him wrap me in his strong embrace, inhaling the smell of his leather jacket, his natural scent and a lingering hint of Cuban cigar I still hadn't actually seen him smoke. "One of these days you'll have to smoke one of those cigars with me," I said.
"Tonight then. We'll sit on the back porch, light a cigar and enjoy the smoke while watching the city lights blink on and off around us."
I kissed the dimple in his chin. "Sounds perfectly lovely." We started walking through the campus, heading to the car as I told him about my meeting with Cavin.
"When are you going?" he asked.
"I don't know. But I'll let you know when I hear from him."
As we turned the corner of one of the older buildings, we saw Jon heading toward us, books in his arms, ear buds distracting him with music. Before he saw us, I froze, noticing that, unlike the college kids in jeans and t-shirts around us, Jon wore a suit. A fancy striped suit.
"Ash. Could that be…?"
"The fancy suit the guy with Bridgette was wearing."
"It could be a coincidence," I said without conviction.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward his brother.
Chapter Twenty One
Guns and Lovers
"JON!" ASH CALLED for his bother and I tugged his hand, willing him to relax a little, though my nerves were on end too.
Jon pulled the ear buds out and stuck his iPhone in his bag. "Ash, Catelyn, good to see you."
"I like your suit," I said. "Is it new?"
He frowned, sensing the undercurrent of unease in the air. "Yeah, it is."
"Funny, that," said Ash. "Bridgette signed Catelyn's name to release her car at the impound. We don't know why, but we do know that a guy matching your description was with her, wearing that very same suit." Not exactly true, but maybe it would get him to talk.
Ash poked him in the chest, and I could see Jon puffing up, ready to start something with his older brother. I reached for Ash's hand and implored Jon with my eyes. "Please, Jon, she's missing and we need to know what happened. What was going on?"
He looked down at his feet then sighed and looked up. "Look, it's not what you think. Well, hell, I don't even know what you think, but the thing is, Bridgette and I were dating."
That shocked me. "What? That's impossible. She would have told me."
"She knew Ash and I had issues, and she didn't want to cause more problems with everyone, so we decided to keep it under wraps until we knew if it was serious or not."
I sat on a bench under a tree, and Ash sat next to me.
Jon fidgeted on his feet, then sat on the grass in front of us. "We were going to tell you soon, but then… she disappeared and I didn't know what to do."
I realized then how hard this must be for him. His girlfriend was missing and because they'd agreed to keep their relationship private, no one even knew he was mourning. I reached out to him, put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry. If I'd known… "