Learning to Be Little Again(8)

“So, how does everything look?” Mark asked.

Robert settled his gaze on me and I knew the information was not going to be good. “I’m not going to lie. I’m very concerned. Juliana, you’re severely underweight, you have a low grade fever, probably because your immune system is weak. You look exhausted. Your blood work is showing that you’re anemic, meaning that you don’t have enough iron in your blood. You also have a vitamin B-12 deficiency. Additionally, due to your problems going to the bathroom, that’s causing problems with your digestive system.”

I just sat there silently. I knew that my not eating would cause some problems, but I wasn’t expecting this many. I gave my new teddy bear another small hug. I didn’t know how I could fix all of this.

“So, what should I do?” I finally asked, looking down at my lap. I didn’t want to have to face Mark or Robert.

“I can put you on a special diet. Hopefully doing that will help you gain weight and get you healthy again. I also think it would be a smart idea if you were to go and see a therapist to talk about what happened to you. If you want, I know a therapist who specializes with people who participate in the age play lifestyle.”

“No!” I said, looking up from my hands. I was not going to go and see someone who played in this lifestyle. This stupid lifestyle got me in this situation. I was not going to turn to it to get me out of it.

“Alright, calm down. No one will force you to do anything that you don’t want to do. It was just a suggestion,” he said holding his hands up, as if that would calm me down.

I nodded. I hadn’t meant to be so defensive. I just never wanted to act like a little girl again in front of anyone on purpose. That was what had caused all my problems before. If I had been acting older instead of so childishly, I would have seen that Boyle wasn’t a good caretaker. Instead, I got lost in the land of coloring and looking at pretty pictures and didn’t see that Boyle was starting to take full control of my life.

“I respect your decision. Ultimately, everything is your choice. So whether you want to follow what I tell you to do is your decision. Mark and I are just trying to get you better.”

“I understand,” I said, looking down at my lap again.

“Do you, Juliana? I’ve been telling you to go to a doctor for the past month and you never would have if I hadn’t made this appointment for you today and forced you to come,” Mark growled.

I looked up at him and shrank away. He looked so angry. I didn’t like it when that look was pointed at me. It reminded me of the fact that he was a very big, muscular man and I was a small, thin girl. He could force me to do anything if he really wanted to.

“You d-don’t under-understand,” I said, beginning to cry. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t like feeling forced to do anything at all. Especially because the last time I was forced into something it left me in the situation I was in now. I put my head in my hands so neither Mark nor Robert had to see me cry.

“Mark, could you please give us a minute?” Robert asked.

“Sure. I’ll be in the waiting room,” he said, standing and leaving.

I kept my head in my hands as I cried. My teddy bear fell to the ground off of my lap. I felt so embarrassed now. I went to the doctor like he wanted me to. I heard what was wrong with me. I told them no, that I didn’t want to go to a therapist, and now he yelled at me. He wasn’t being fair! This whole situation wasn’t fair!

“Juliana, please look at me.”

I lifted my head to see that Robert was kneeling down in front of me. I hadn’t heard him get up from his chair. He handed me my teddy bear.

“I’m s-sorry.” I cried as I held the teddy bear close to me.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay. All Mark wants to do is help you. I’m sure that he didn’t mean to snap at you,” he said, rubbing his hands up and down my arms.

I don’t know what came over me, but I launched myself into his arms. He caught me, wrapped his arms around me, and then moved so that he was sitting in the chair and I was on his lap.

I cried into his shoulder for a few minutes, just letting out my pent-up pain. I hated feeling like this. I didn’t want to, but I just couldn’t get over it. I also didn’t want to think about how good it felt to be wrapped in his arms.

When I finished crying, he asked, “You done?”

I just nodded, not ready to face him yet.

“Juliana, please look at me.”

I shook my head, not ready to look at the man who was still rubbing my back after I’d stupidly cried all over him. I was crazy. He was going to lock me up because I must look like I lost my mind.