Learning to Be Little Again(29)

“Oh, yeah.” Suddenly, I didn’t feel all that hungry.

“Hey. We can talk about it after breakfast. I don’t want the discussion to ruin your meal. Now come on, eat up.”

I nodded and continued to eat, not wanting to upset him.

After we both finished breakfast and the kitchen was cleaned up, Robert and I sat down on the couch, facing each other. Scared about where this discussion was going to go, I couldn’t help but stare at my fingers.

“Don’t be nervous, sweetie. Just say whatever comes to your mind first.”

Taking a deep breath, I began. “I was surprised. I thought that after Boyle I would never do this again. With him, being my little self… it just wasn’t good.” I looked at Robert, trying to stay calm. Don’t think about the past. It’s done. “With you, this was fun. You let me choose things, like what I wanted to eat or what we played. When you decided things for me, you didn’t choose them to watch me suffer, you chose them to help me.”

As I was talking, it was like a light bulb had gone off over my head. Boyle was a bad guy because he liked to watch me suffer and he didn’t really care about me. Robert, on the other hand, cared about me and he would never hurt me.

Without thinking, I crawled into his lap and sighed contentedly. This felt right, being in his arms. This was how all the other times I was acting like a little girl should have felt.

“So, it sounds like you liked role playing with me,” he stated, beginning to rub my back.

I nodded because it was the truth.

“Do you want to continue role playing?”

“I would be okay with it. Maybe not all the time, but sometimes. I like being grown up too,” I said, looking up at him.

He smiled down at me. “That works for me. How will we know though when it’s your little time and when it’s your adult time?”

That was a good question. I thought about it for a couple of minutes and then the answer hit me. “How about on Sunday nights, we plan out the days and times when we want to role play. Some weeks we might not role play much, while other weeks, we might role play a lot. Then if we’re on a day that we aren’t scheduled to role play and either one of us wants to, we can go to the other and subtly ask.”

“Subtly ask?” His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“For instance, let’s say you want to role play. You would come up to me and say something like, ‘Little girl are you hungry?’ If I respond with ‘Yes, Daddy,’ that would be me telling you I want to role play. If I respond ‘No thanks, Robert,’ that would mean I don’t want to. The same thing would go for me. I could ask you a question and end it by calling you ‘Daddy’. If you responded with ‘little girl,’ that would mean you wanted to role play, and if you said ‘No, Juliana,’ that would mean that you didn’t want to.”

“That sounds like it’ll work very well. I’m sure we’ll agree on this, but I just want to make sure: you don’t want to play in public, correct?”

I was shaking my head before my brain fully processed the question. “I never want to play in public. Maybe I wouldn’t mind acting young in front of like Samantha, Jackson, Meghan, or Joey, because they role play in the lifestyle too, but even then it’d have to be in one of our houses. Otherwise, no public.”

“That’s fine by me. Now, do you know what age you want to be when you regress?”

Hmmm, that was a tough question. I liked being a little older like five or six because then I had some independence. But, I also still loved snuggles and being cuddled. I thought about it for a while, then decided on my answer. “I think I’ll be six. I’ll like having some independence, yet I’ll still be able to get lots of cuddles with you.”

“Six is a good age to be. Would you ever be up to regressing younger?”

“Like how much younger?”

“Maybe around one or two.”

I thought about that and the thought of relying on Robert that intensely made me want to run away. Maybe I could deal with it for a day. I could do bottles, but I wasn’t a fan of the thought of having to wear and use a diaper. “I don’t know, Robert. I don’t want to have to rely on someone that much. I mean, from what Samantha has told me, when she’s that young, she relies on Jackson for her every need. I don’t think I could do that.”

“Okay, but if the time arises and I think it would greatly benefit you to rely on me for your every need, would you be willing to discuss it?”

“Yes, but you’ll have to respect my decision, even if I say no. Honestly, I’m okay with relying on you for most everything. It’s just the thought of using a diaper for its intended purpose that has me not wanting to regress that young.”