Lassoing The Virgin Mail-Order Bride(15)

I look up at him in shock. He doesn’t even crack a smile like he might be teasing. I hadn’t really thought about anyone walking in on us.

“Go get the blanket, sweetheart. I’ll pull the last pie out of the oven and make us a plate to take outside for us to eat alone.”

“You don’t like my dress?” I ask, taking a step back. When he growls, I jump, dashing off for the bedroom as I catch the murmur of someone saying something about how they’ve never seen Cash take a day off work in his life.

That makes me smile as I go to the bedroom and find some shorts to slip on. I grab the pair of cowboy boots Cash bought me yesterday, too. He hasn’t been working the last few days, just doing things with me. He said it was a mini honeymoon until he found out what was happening around the farm with all the broken fences. Then he’d take me on a real one. Anywhere I liked. I kinda just want to stay here.

He’s taken me fishing and swimming in the lake on his land. He’s brought me shopping in the city and out to explore in one of his four-wheelers. I wanted to take one of the horses, but he said I couldn’t go out on them yet, not until I wasn’t sore anymore. He said the only thing I should want to ride is him.

It has all been so perfect. Every moment with him. I’ve never felt so happy and complete in my whole life. Like I really belong somewhere.

I grab the blanket off the end of the bed and head back to the kitchen where I see Cash holding a basket in his hand. He takes the blanket from me, then takes my hand.

“Clean up when you guys are done,” he throws over his shoulder as he pulls me from the house. People say their goodbyes to us as we exit. Once, Cash pulled me from the room and hoots and hollers rang out. Let’s just say that wouldn’t be happening again. I have to hold in a giggle when I remember his temper that night. He didn't even like the idea of people thinking that I had sex, even if it was with him.

“Where we going?”

“The barn. I’ll show you,” he says.

When we get to the barn, he pulls me towards the back to a ladder that’s partially hidden. I go up first with Cash right behind me.

At the top is a landing with a giant open window that looks out onto the field behind the house. I see the sun setting over the lake from here. It’s beautiful.

“You can see the lake from up here.” I turn to see Cash sitting on the blanket we’d brought, the food already pulled out from the basket as he just watches me.

“Yeah. I used to come up here as a kid all the time. I even made it a clubhouse for a few years. Thought it was the coolest thing ever. Like I had my own house.”

I walk over and sit next to him. Cash pulls me between his legs, my back to his chest. He doesn’t talk much about his past, neither of us really do. We both just drop little things here and there.

“It’s easier,” I say, picking up a piece of chicken and taking a bite.

“It really is.”

I turn to look at him, caught off guard by how he got me so easily. He already knew what I was talking about. We’d both lost our families, but the loss isn’t so paralyzing now that we have each other. Cash seems to be able to read me like no one else ever has.

“I loved my mama. She was all I had, but things could be hard.” I feel Cash’s mouth touch the top of my head as he squeezes me a little tighter. “You know I lived on a farm until I was about sixteen, but then we left the Blackwells to go back to the city. We left because Mama got sick. We needed to be closer to the doctors. I held onto her for a few years, then she was just gone, and I was all alone. We’d poured all our money into those doctors, and when she passed I barely had enough to put her in the ground.”

I feel Cash’s body go completely still, almost like he isn’t even breathing. I turn to look at him, and for the first time I see a look I’ve never seen on his face before. Panic. Or maybe it's guilt.

I turn all the way around and straddle him. His hands come to my face, cupping it. “I can’t let you go. I knew a little about your past. I asked the agency. They told me you were broke and didn’t really have much of a choice. I’d actually told Earl that day to send you back. Give you some money and tell you I’d changed my mind. I could have given you an out when you got here. Helped you get set up or something, offered you just a job here, but I was a selfish bastard. All I could think from the moment I laid eyes on you was that I had to get you down the aisle and tied to me. Then that wasn’t enough. Now all I can think about is putting a baby in you. Then you really could never leave me. You’d be stuck here forever. Mine. I even stole your birth control pills that first night you passed out. You’d left them in the bathroom. Flushed them right down the toilet so there would be no finding them. Even as I tell you this, I know I’m not letting you leave here, even after my confession. I can’t.”

I study him for a second, then burst out laughing. I’d actually completely forgotten about my birth control pills. Probably because I wasn't used to taking them to begin with. I know I should probably be mad, but that’s Cash and his brute caveman antics. It’s one of the things I love most about him.

“Why are you laughing? I trapped you here.” His hands drop from my face, and he runs a giant paw through his hair.

“No, that’s not how you trapped me here.” I giggle again, making him turn his scowl on me, the one that doesn’t work on me like it does his farmhands. “The way you love me, the way you make me feel, those are the things that make me want to stay with you, Cash. That’s how you kept me here, and you keep doing those things. I’ll never leave.”

I feel him relax, some of the tension leaving his body. “You’re never leaving here. Period.”

“Okay. I’m never leaving,” I confirm. He takes my mouth in a deep kiss. There’s no finesse or seduction to it. It’s a kiss filled with pure emotion and relief. Like he’d been hanging onto this one thing that might take me away from him, and now that tension has shattered.

He pulls away, both of us out of breath as he rests his forehead against mine.

“I’ve been so lonely, too. Hell, you saw that attic. It hurt coming home at night, so I put as much of my parents as I could away so it wouldn’t be so hard. It didn’t help much. I miss them, but I think I was longing for what they had together. I thought I’d never have it. It was like a double punch every time I walked into the house. I’d lost them and I’d also somehow lost the possibility of replicating their happiness for my own.”

He places another kiss on my lips. This one is soft, like he needs to finish what he’s saying.

“Now I can’t get back home fast enough. Hell, I remember the first day I went out knowing you were back at the big house. I was busting ass to get shit done so I could run back and just check on you. I was thinking you might change your mind and leave. I just wanted another look at you to see if you were real, or maybe I’d finally gone crazy and dreamed something up. I’ve spent the last few years trying to stay out of the house, and now I can’t seem to get myself to stay away from it. You did that. That’s why I can’t let you go. I need you, Clare. You brought me back to life. I can’t go back to just working myself to death. That’s what I was doing. Up at first light, working hard all day so when I got home all I could do was eat, then hit that bed and crash.”

I feel my eyes start to water, a lump growing in my throat.

“I love you, Cash. You make me feel like the most important person in the world.”

“You are.”

This time I kiss him. I can feel the tears run down my cheeks.

“Don’t cry. Want me to get you all riled up?” he teases, making me smile.

“How come you never tried to?” I sigh, not sure why I’m asking this because I don’t think I want to know, but another part of me does. “You know, like meet a girl or something. Not like you’re bad on the eyes. June couldn’t have been the only girl in this town.”

Cash’s cheeks show a hint of red. Is he blushing? No way my dirty-talking cowboy is blushing at my question.

“Cash,” I push, really wanting to know now.

“I already told you I wasn’t girl crazy. I was always on my horse or helping my pa. I’d gone to the city one time with some of the farmhands. They like to head to the bars a few times a month to let loose. Well, I let a little too loose my first time. Drank a little too much and felt it for three days. I never took them up on going out again.” He takes a deep breath. “Then I lost my parents and all my energy went into making sure I made this farm stay alive. Make them proud.”

“What are you saying, Cash?” He couldn’t be…

“I don’t think it bothered me because I never had it, so I clearly didn’t know what I was missing. No, Clare, I’ve never been with anyone but you.”

I launch myself at him, making him fall back.

“No more teasing. I’m not sore anymore, Cash. Gimme what’s mine now.”

He smiles. “Yes, ma’am.” Then he takes my mouth. We start pulling at each other’s clothes, then Cash suddenly stops. I start to protest, but his hand goes over my mouth. He makes a shushing motion with his other hand.