He holds my face and the silence stretches, and I will myself to open my eyes to see blue, just blue, crackling and so alive—and so angry.
“You’re mad that I took her memory away? Keep her. Keep her memory alive if that’s what makes you happy.”
“It doesn’t.”
He brushes his thumb over my lipstick.
I let him. “If there’s anyone in this world who will understand you not being willing to go through that again, it’s me.”
“Do you really? Why are you driving me crazy then? Why do I need more women, more often? Why can’t I get you out of my skin?”
“You feel you’re being unfaithful if you slept with me because it wouldn’t be her.”
A mad muscle plays angrily in the back of his jaw.
“Oh wow.” I blink. “You just never know someone, do you? A ladies’ man like you, faithful to one girl.”
We hear noise downstairs in the kitchen.
“I better go. I don’t want them to assume that we…” I push at his chest and then hurry to go change. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen,” I say in a rush, and then stand at the door. “Tahoe.” I attempt a smile but it trembles on my face. “You were always honest that you couldn’t give me what I wanted but still…thank you for telling me.”
“Tahoe’s out with Dad,” Livvy says from the breakfast table when I finally go downstairs, after heading to my bedroom to shower and change.
I join her for a meal of eggs and hash browns.
“I’m surprised he brought you here, you know?” she chattily says. “We’re all surprised. Lisa died on the day of my parents’ anniversary. It made the whole thing a little bitter for him, to celebrate a day when you mourn too.”
“I didn’t know she died today,” I say, setting my fork down.
I’m suddenly not hungry anymore.
Livvy’s expression saddens, then she claps in forced cheer. “Well. My mother’s thrilled you’re here. She wants him to have good, better memories. It was so hard to watch him. So frustrating. He doesn’t like being helpless and has never allowed himself an inch of vulnerability ever since.” She eyes me somberly. “He likes you. And I mean, likes you likes you.”
She smirks, and it’s so adorable, because she smirks almost like he does.
“He looked at Lisa tenderly, as if she were something he needed to protect. He looks at you like a man does a woman he really cares about.”
I try to dismiss her words, but I’m scared because my mind actually clings to them with the kind of fervor only the truly hopeless do.
Can Tahoe’s wounds really heal for him to love someone again? Can he ever even let himself feel something for me?
I’m quietly wondering when his dad comes into the house and tells me Tahoe’s waiting outside to take me for a ride.
Excited by the prospect, I wash my plate quickly as Livvy ushers me out, then I head outside and into a huge barn. I take in the sight of half a dozen horses in the stalls, and I am especially intrigued when I spot a mechanical bull right in the center of the horse stables, amidst a set of mats surrounded by hay.
I take in the bull and the tall man swiping it clean with a blue cloth. Seeing him, there’s a frisson of warmth running through my body.
“You have a bull in your backyard?”
“’Course. Nothing like riding a pissed-off bull.” He pets the seat meaningfully while a grin flirts across his lips. He quirks his left brow. “Try it, Regina?”
“You try it,” I dare.
He laughs. “I’ve tried it a million times.”
He mounts the bull, grabs the pommel, and the bull starts thrashing. He rides it for a minute, all his muscles flexing, and then he clicks it off, dismounts, and grabs me by the waist to prop me up. “Now you.”
“Oh god.” I’m so nervous I could vomit.
“Come on.” He pats my butt and holds me by the waist, then curls my fingers on the pommel. “Just hang on for as long as you can.”
“Tahoe,” I groan. “Only you.”
“That’s right. Live a little.” He steps back with a smirk, his blue eyes dancing merrily as he turns it on. The bull begins slowly.
“Oh wow. Okay. I can do this.” I hold on with both hands and then it starts thrashing wildly and there’s no possible way that I can hang on. I fly, fall on the mat, and laugh from the exhilaration. I’m still laughing on the mat when he throws himself next to me and we both stare at the rafters.
“Quite a rush, hmm?” He traces his fingers over my throat as he looks down at me, and my laughter fades.
I’m breathing fast from the bull but I’m fully aware that my heart is pounding due to something else. Something close, and dangerous, and not mine to…well, ah, ride.