I stare at the text Danny sent. One each day. They all say the same thing.
I love you.
He’s only shown up at Slade’s once, on the morning after I got here. I barely caught a glimpse of his disheveled hair over Slade’s shoulder when he answered the door and stepped outside. Their voices were too muffled to understand.
Slade came in and shut the door with a grimace. “He has important shit to tell you. You should give him a chance to explain.”
But I can’t.
Even if Danny didn’t put the camera there and even if he does love me—and I’m not convinced he even knows what real love is…lust? Yes, but love? There’s no way I can just take up where we left off; I have too much to figure out.
I can’t let him close to me. If he touches me, I’ll forget the things I should remember about him. Things like the fact that he doesn’t do relationships even though he keeps trying to convince me he’s changed.
It’s important that I keep in mind the kind of guy I need—not just the one I want—and I’ve got to decide what I’m going to do about the baby.
I fall back to the pillow, my mind spinning in thirty directions with all the things I need to get done: A place to live. School. Should I give notice at the shelter? Then again, Danny’s probably already quit; that’s one thing that may not have to change.
Stepping from my car into the blazing heat, I check the paper in my hand before I scan the brass numbers stuck to the gray siding. I prepare to meet my sister.
I tuck the stuffed bear under my arm and follow the sidewalk to the correct apartment building. Each step up brings me closer to another child abandoned by my father. Mr. Wrong for my mom and for this Samantha lady. Another reason I can’t open my heart to Danny. No matter how bad it’s crushing me.
I rub my palms on my back pockets and knock. I’ll give them thirty seconds. If no one answers in thirty sec—
The door opens. My own eyes stare up from under a mop of platinum curls.
Two dimples deepen as Cassie throws the door open. It crashes against the wall as she yells, “It’s her. She’s here. She’s here!”
A beautiful, dark-haired woman steps into the small entry, her brown eyes reflecting the nerves trembling in my fingers. “Hi. You must be Mona Lisa.”
I take her hand. “Yes. Hello. Please, call me Mo; everyone does.”
Cassie grabs my arm and drags me inside. “I’ve waited and waited. I thought you’d never get here. Do you like Barbie? I love her. Want to color with me? Oh, come see my room. Is the bear for me? I love bears.”
Her enthusiasm brings a smile to my face. I hand her the white teddy. “Yes, the bear’s for you, and I’d love to see your room.”
* * *
Two hours later, Cassie lounges next to me on the floor twisting the ring on my pinky finger, her eyes rapt on the television. I take the glass Samantha offers as she sits across from me.
“I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. I can’t imagine what would happen to Cassie if I die. You were very lucky to have the Jennings take you in.”
“Yes, I really was. They’ve been so good to me. I can’t imagine life without them.” Or Danny.
I point to Cassie. “Has it been hard? You know, without help?”
“Well, I’m not sure being a mother, single or not, is ever easy. But I wouldn’t trade one second for the alternative. So, with help or not, I’m glad I have Cass. She’s my heart. My smile at the end of a long day. My world.”
“So you wouldn’t do it differently? You don’t wish you’d have chosen—”
“A different path? Another guy?” She finishes for me.
I shrug. “Yeah.”
“No. Not at all.” She shakes her head. “I wouldn’t have Cassie if I had. And I wouldn’t be the me I am today if I’d done that. Every experience makes us the person we are in this moment. Good ones. Bad ones. All of them. And I like me. No, I love me. There aren’t a lot of people who can say that.”
Her words swarm my brain. I search for a reply, but come up empty. Stunned maybe. I don’t even know.
Samantha leans out and touches my upper arm. “Look, I know it’s got to be hard growing up with no dad. And I wish he’d have stuck around to see Cass grow. But he’s the one missing out. And you? He’s missed out on you, too.”
I swipe a knuckle under my eye and blink back the rest of the tears threatening to undo me in front of these strangers who are the only family I have left.
Sam catches an errant tear with the back of her hand. “Look how beautiful you are, and how sweet. You’ve grown into a wonderful young woman in spite of your dad. Maybe even because of him. Who knows how you’d have been different if he’d have been there? I can’t wait to see how Cassie will turn out.”