"I told you we good. I'm not mad at you." I answered. I looked at him and wanted to say more about what was going on with me but a part of me was scared to open my mouth and tell him anything. He would probably run away from me if he knew what was really going on with me and my situation. Kwame then got onto the freeway and started driving. I didn't have a clue as to where we going. Instead I looked out the window and my thoughts and my mind were in a million places. What a difference a few days made and I had went from having a few people in my life to practically having no one. Regardless of the relationship me and my mother had I still missed her. There was a part of me that missed coming in from school every day and having her there. A part of me that missed the smell of cigarettes throughout our townhouse. I was even starting to miss having to watch my little brother. I was missing everything and without them around and my other brother being locked up my whole world felt like it were in shambles. Before I had realized it the tears that I had so desperately tried to stop reappeared and made their appearance down my face but this time I wasn't able to contain them or even get myself together. Kwame noticed my mini breakdown immediately.
"Yo Kyhanna what's wrong? Did something I say upset you?" He asked as he pulled off the freeway. I hadn't noticed he had driven down in Millcreek Park.
I nodded my head no.
"It's not you. It's not you at all. It's just … " I started to tell him but I stopped. I don't even know why I stopped but something in me just did.
"What baby? Spit it out. What's going on with you?" He asked as I pulled a piece of tissue from my pocket that I had managed to stuff in my pocket right before I left school.
"So after I left Marquis' party I went home but when I got there my mom and little brother were gone. She left me a note saying that she had to leave town ‘cuz she owed Zeke some money and I haven't heard from them since."
"Are you serious? Have you tried calling her?"
"Yes and now her number is disconnected."
"Damn … that's fucked up. How you feeling about this? Where are you staying?" He asked me.
"Honestly, I don't know how to feel. Like I really have nobody out here. With Tremaine locked up it's just me against the world I guess. I've been staying with my bestie but who knows how long that will last. It's a gang of us staying at they two bedroom spot. I'm just staying there until I figure out my next move."
"Why don't you come and stay with me?"
Ok so either I'm hearing things or Kwame just asked me to stay with him at his crib. That was definitely something I wasn't expecting him to say to me.
"I wouldn't want to just put that on you. Besides, we just met."
"It doesn't matter. I'm offering you a place to stay so what's up? And no I'm not trying to get all freaky if that's what you thinking … I swear your mind is so nasty Kyhanna." He said as I started laughing at his crazy butt. Leave it to Kwame to always find a unique way to make me smile. Getting freaky was actually the last thing on my mind at that point.
"I can't Kwame. I mean it's a nice offer and all but I can't ask all that of you. I don't know what I'm doing next. But one thing I do know is I need to have a plan and figure it out quick."
"You know what I've noticed about you? Why do you have a hard time accepting things from people? Here I am offering you a warm place to stay and your own space and you trying to give me every excuse in the book as to why you can't accept."
"Well at least I'm not one of these thirsty females jumping at the fact that you asked me to stay. I don't know why I can't accept things from people." I said as I crossed my arms over my chest. I don't even know why I had copped an attitude that quick it was just something that naturally happened. Maybe I had an attitude because I felt like he was pressuring me into doing something that I wasn't even sure of yet. I don't know why but my emotions were all over the place.
"But I'm trying to be there for you Kyhanna."
"Well maybe but I've never had anyone do anything nice for me Kwame. Have you stopped to think of that? There hasn't been anyone in my life who I could ever depend on and I'm not used to this." I admitted. Tears threatened to rise up again but I refused to let too many of them fall. A few were beyond my control.
"Well there's a first time for everything." Kwame answered me and when I looked into his eyes somehow I knew there was something about him that I could trust. There lay truth in his eyes that I felt like I could carry all the way to the bank. He leaned over and wiped the tears from my wet face.
"I hate to see you cry. You're far too beautiful for that." He then reached across the middle console and grabbed my hand intertwining it with his.
"I know we just met each other and you barely know me but there's no secret that I'm feeling you and I want to get to know you better. I feel such a strong connection with you that I've never felt with anyone. I don't even know why we crossed paths but God meant for us to be in each other's lives. I know everything that has happened to you recently is pretty messed up but let me be here for you. I know you haven't been able to depend on anybody but you can depend on me. I promise you that." Kwame explained.
There was something about the tone of his voice that suggested that I could trust him with everything I had in me. There was something about the way that he looked at me that suggested that he could be my safe place.
"I would like that." I replied not knowing what else to say.
"So you'll come and stay with me?" He asked again. I realized in that moment not only was he someone who I felt I could trust but he was someone who was also persistent and didn't take no for an answer.
"Not so sure about that just yet. I think I'll go stay with my friend Tameeka tonight and we can talk about this later." I answered.
"Fair enough."
"So where are we about to go now?" I asked as he pulled into a parking lot in the middle of the park. He pulled his car into a parking space and put the car in park.
"We're about to go for a walk." He announced.
"A walk? Why?" I asked with both of my eyebrows raised.
"Because I said we are. See Kyhanna you gotta open yourself up to new things and see the world in a different way. That's why I'm in your life … to show you." The way Kwame looked at me it became easy to become lost in his dreamy and warm eyes. When he looked at me it felt as though all my fears, doubt, and worry all melted away with just a single glare. Once I got out of the car, Kwame came over and grabbed me by the hand.
"Let's go for a walk my dear."
"So you come out here all the time?"
"Yeah. I come out here from time to time when I need to think and clear my head. And by the looks of it today was the day you needed to come out here. Millcreek park is slept on but it really is a beautiful place and can make you forget we even in Youngstown. Sometimes you need to have that getaway."
"Yes, sometimes I wish I could just getaway."
Even though I had lived in Youngstown my entire life, I had never been to this part of the park and never been able to appreciate its beauty. Kwame had already taken me somewhere I had never been. Walking with him hand in hand in the park felt so natural and wasn't awkward at all.
"So you've been feeling me where do you see us going?" I asked. I know it was a bold question but I was eager to hear what he had to say.
"Of course I want us to take things slow but I would love for us to see where this thing could go. Who knows you could be my wife one day. You just never know." He smiled.
"Your wife?" I asked surprised that he even mentioned me and wife in the same sentence.
"The reason why I said that is because I truly don't believe in wasting anyone's time. If I'm feeling you I'm feeling you and I'm gonna give you my all."
"Well I'm feeling you." I blurted out being totally in the moment and not caring how I sounded.
"You feeling me?" He asked.
"Yes." I shook my head confirming what he had just asked me. Without warning, Kwame grabbed me and took me into his arms planting his lips on mine. His full lips were so soft and his kiss so warm and inviting and our lips intertwined creating their own rhythm and vibration. When he let me go I literally felt weak in my knees.