My spine snapped straight. If I had any doubts, that comment told me everything I needed to know. Laney hadn’t changed. She still wanted to pin her addiction on me. Apart from the fact that I took her to places where drugs were readily accessible, I never gave her drugs or used them with her. On the contrary, I bent over backward to help her time and time again until I didn’t have any choice other than to walk away.
“Laney, I can’t go there with you again.”
“Why not?” she shrieked, punctuating her words with a kick to the wall. “I’m trying hard to stay sober this time. I’m working my way through my twelve steps, and one of them involves fixing things with you.”
The forty-something-year-old woman living across the hall opened her door and peeked out. “Move the conversation inside or I’ll call the police. I’m trying to sleep.”
I glared at Laney, not bothering to acknowledge my neighbor. “You have five minutes,” I conceded in the interest of keeping the cops away from my place. I didn’t keep anything incriminating here, but my livelihood and freedom depended on maintaining a low profile and flying beneath law enforcement’s radar.
I opened the door wider, then retreated to the living room, leaning my hip into the side of the couch. “Go ahead. I’m waiting. You’ve got four minutes and thirty seconds left.”
Scowling, she took in my blank walls. “You took down all of my photos.”
Before Laney slipped into the world of drugs, she’d spent the majority of her days photographing abandoned buildings. She had a good following and was well on the way to making a name for herself. When she moved into my place, I framed all of her favorites and hung them on my walls to show her how proud I was of her. They became collateral damage the day I let her back into my home to help her get sober nearly two years ago and she robbed me blind.
I ripped all except one from my wall and tossed them in the dumpster, taking pleasure in the sound of the glass shattering and the wood frames snapping. The last one broke the first time Carmela came to my house, and it was kind of poetic, in my opinion.
“I did.”
She swallowed hard and smoothed her hair away from her face, highlighting the fine wrinkles around her eyes from years of substance abuse and hard living. “Oh, yeah, I get it. You probably didn’t want a reminder of us after things fell apart.”
“You mean after you started having sex with random people in exchange for drugs while we were still together.”
“It was only one person, and it only happened once. He’s not part of Lucas’ life in case you’re wondering, and that’s the way I want it.”
“I thought you said you didn’t know who the father was.” I shook my head, disgusted with her and myself. “Jesus, so many lies, Laney. How do you keep track?”
“I know. I know. I lied about that and a lot of other things. I guess that’s part of the reason I’m here today. I wanted to come clean and see if you’d give me another chance.”
I pushed away from the sofa, standing with my feet wide apart and my hands curled into fists. She needed to get the fuck out of my face. I couldn’t stand looking at her. What I felt for her had died a long-drawn-out death. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You can’t seriously believe I’d consider going anywhere near you again.”
Laney crossed the room and grabbed my hands. “I did a lot of shitty things when I was high, but that person, that girl, wasn’t me. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I got lost somewhere along the way. I need to make it up to you. I’ll do anything to prove I’m a better person, worthy of your love.” She cleared her throat. “Did you know I named my son after you? Lucas Konstantin. I wanted him to be yours so damn bad.”
I yanked my hands from hers. I definitely didn’t want to talk about her son.
“Laney, it’s too late for this. I can never go back. Any love I had for you is gone, and even if it weren’t, I’m with someone else now. She’s important to me.”
“I know. I heard, and God, Kon, it kills me to think about you loving someone else.”
“How the hell did you hear about it?”
“I overheard your dad talking about it with my mom. That’s why I’m here. I wanted to get my life in order and have a year of sobriety under my belt before I approached you. When your dad inferred that you were serious about this woman, I knew I needed to do something before I lost you forever.”
I rubbed my temples. Being around Laney was like being near a black hole. She sucked all of my energy. “You’ve already lost me. Nothing you say or do will change that. You need to leave.”