Kon (Trassato Crime Family Book 2)(18)

He scooted his chair closer to mine. “Carmela, I didn’t mean to imply anything. I support you in whatever you want to do with your life. I’m here for you. I’ll always support you to the best of my abilities.”

“Okaaay.” I drew out the word. “What are you trying to say?”

“While we haven’t discussed it, you know your family wants us to get married. I’ve been attracted to you for a long time. I never did anything about it seeing that you had Rocco. Now that he’s gone and your dad isn’t around to look after you—”

“I have Gian, and this isn’t the Dark Ages. I can take care of myself, get a job and earn money. I don’t need to rely on a man to do it for me, and I certainly don’t need to marry to find worth or value in my life.”

“I know. I don’t doubt you’re capable of running your life.” He twirled the stem of his wine glass, his blue eyes hooded. “Still, you know how things work in our world. You can’t be alone, and I gave your father my word that I’d look after you. I take all of my promises seriously.”

“So what are you suggesting?”

“We’re going to get married. That’s not in doubt. Dominick agrees. It’s what your father wanted. So we’re going to take some time to get to know each other, and see how we can make this work. Once we figure it out, we’ll announce our engagement. I’ll give you enough freedom to pursue your interests, and I’ll pursue mine. We’ll make a great team, and we won’t step on each other’s toes.”

Ice rushed down my spine, and I balled my hands into fists, the sharp bite of my nails the only thing stopping me from throwing wine at his all too smug face. This was like déjà vu. I had two men playing this let’s get to know each other game and neither one cared about me. The real me. They wanted me for my connections to Dominick. I was a box to be checked on the road to their success.

“So you’re basically admitting you aren’t interested in me beyond what the connection to my family will provide. I can do what I want and you do whatever it is you do without interference.”

“Don’t get upset. I like you, Carmela. You’re a beautiful, and by most accounts intelligent, woman.” His lazy stare dropped to my chest, lingering there for a beat and then swept back up to my face. “I have every intention treating you like a real wife. I want kids. I want to make this work.”

“What if we’re not compatible? Do you still want to marry me?”

“We’ll be compatible.”

“You don’t know that,” I whispered, feeling as if an invisible hand was squeezing my lungs.

“I’ll pay for the rest of your degree. I’ll make sure you get the job of your dreams when you finish. You can redecorate my place in the meantime to get your creative juices flowing. Do whatever you want. Make it a real home for us, one you’re proud of.”

“What do you want in return?”

“Your loyalty.”

“Do I get yours?”

I saw how the men affiliated with the family worked. They put their wives and families on a pedestal, lavished them with material goods. They did put them first, only they had a tendency to stray.

Without question, my mom and dad loved each other. I was aware of the rumors, though, and they weren’t reassuring. I overheard the hushed accusations my mom threw his way when my dad came home late reeking of cheap perfume. I didn’t understand how she put up with it. It was one of the reasons I loved Rocco so much. We were a team. He didn’t keep secrets from me, and I never had to worry about him cheating on me.

Renzo DiTonno’s rant floated through my head not for the first time since my disastrous pseudo-date with Kon. His accusation, coupled with kissing Kon, made sleeping last night next to impossible, and I still couldn’t decide which event had rattled me more.

“Of course. You’d be my wife.”

“Are loyalty and fidelity one and the same?” I probed, needing to understand the type of arrangement he was proposing.

He took a deep drink of his wine, nearly draining the glass. “It’s what we should strive for, but both of us are old enough to know that nothing lasts forever. There’s no such thing as a happy ending, Carmela. Not with Rocco. Not with me, or anyone else for that matter. Every relationship has its ups and downs. Ours won’t be any different.”

I clutched the seat of my chair with both hands. My already absent appetite shriveled up died, and I wanted to go home. “I can’t fault you for being honest. I guess I have a lot to think about.”