As the pain faded to a dull ache and then disappeared, she realized that he sounded so much calmer. Totally in control. She clung to that, and to him.
"Okay. Okay, should we get my bag? It's-"
"I've already got one in my truck," he said as he dug his cell from his hip pocket. "I made a spare bag for my place, just in case. Figured it couldn't hurt to have it on hand."
Just in case she'd been sleeping at his house when she'd gone into labor.
Before she could decide whether or not to be mad at the presumption, he was on the phone with the doctor's office. "Can you tell the doctor that Tawny Mitchell is having some pain and we need to come in right away, please?" He paused for a long moment and then nodded to himself. "We'll meet her there then."
"What did they say?" she asked, taking the hand he held out.
"They checked your file and asked that we meet them right at Brighton General."
A thousand questions shot to her lips at once, but she voiced none of them. Clearly, Luke didn't know anything more than she did. He was becoming a dad for the first time, and he wasn't a doctor. Instead of asking him questions he couldn't answer, she said, "Tell me it's going to be okay."
He squeezed her hand firmly and held her gaze. "It's going to be okay. I promise, Tawny. I'll be right by your side and we'll get through this, whatever it is, together."
It wasn't forever, but for now, it was enough.
They drove to the hospital, both trapped in their own thoughts and fears, and she stared out the window, wondering what would happen next, what she’d do if…
She couldn’t bring herself to think about that.
Glancing at Luke, she wondered if he was thinking the same thing or if maybe, just maybe, he thought this might be a blessing in disguise. Like, if they didn’t have the baby, he wouldn’t be saddled with her and he could go back to the way his life would have been.
But he couldn’t be thinking that. Not only because that would be awful and unthinkable, but because his face was white and he gripped the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles had paled, too.
“Maybe we should turn the radio on. It’ll give us something else to think about.” She reached for the dial, but he took her hand instead.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, and though he kept his eyes trained on the road, she knew every ounce of his attention was on her.
“I’m okay now. Just…” Scared.
But she couldn’t, wouldn’t say that. After all, there was nothing to be scared of. She’d just had a little pain.
The car revved, but Luke kept her hand in his, his thumb tracing circles over her knuckles one at a time. “You’re going to be just fine, Tawny, okay?”
She nodded. “I just need to talk about something else. I need some kind of distraction because I can’t think about…”
I can’t think about losing this baby. Or you.
“Let’s talk then. Um, what do you think about names? I know Caroline is out.” The joke was weak and fell flat, but it was still something to diffuse the mounting tension.
Quickly, she was realizing that no matter what she said, it wouldn’t change the growing sense of dread and panic in her heart. It wouldn’t change the fact that she could no longer picture her life without the thing that made it whole—her unborn child.
“We’re almost there,” Luke offered and she nodded again.
“Maybe we could name him after one of your brothers?” she asked.
“Rex would love that. Which is all the more reason not to do it.”
The hill in front of them began to descend and slowly but steadily the hospital came into view.
“It’s going to be fine,” Luke told her again, but now that she saw the building—so sterile and white even from the outside—she wasn’t so sure. The doctors would poke and prod her and then…
Her throat went dry.
“What if it’s not okay? What if something happened?”
What if it was my fault?
Internally, she ran down the list of things she’d learned in all the handbooks and pamphlets she’d read. Ever since she’d seen that positive strip, she’d been on top of making sure that she hadn’t stepped over the line—she hadn’t even had so much as an ounce of alcohol or any kind of fish and if she knew there would be smoking somewhere, she avoided the place altogether, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t overlooked something.
Silently, she wondered at the acidic content of strawberries and whether the sheer consumption of them could have thrown off something in her ph balance but…
But that was all gobbledygook. She knew better than that. Or at least her logical mind did.