“Something like that.”
“Stop being so vague, Brooks,” I said, feeling my anger rising again. “What do you want? Why are you here?”
“I’m here for you,” he said. “I’m not taking that fucking promotion.”
I gaped at him, not sure what to say. I didn’t understand what he meant when he said that he’d come back for me. The fact that he was still killing for the mob made me worried. If he said he wasn’t going to take the promotion, then I didn’t understand who he was out murdering for them.
“Whose blood is this?” I asked him.
“Dante’s,” he said. “He was the last person who knew about you, or at least the last one who cared.”
“Wasn’t he the guy you had to kill to get the promotion?”
He nodded. “Yes, but I’m not taking that promotion.”
“Why?” I asked him. “I don’t understand.”
“All of this,” he said. “One second the mob wants me dead, and the next they’re going to promote me? This whole damn thing is insane.”
“You’re a killer, Brooks,” I whispered. “Now you worry about all of this being crazy?”
His eyes got hard. “I did what I had to do, girl. Don’t start trying to judge me now. You didn’t seem to mind what I could do back when I was saving your life.”
“I’m not judging you. I’m just trying to understand you.”
“There’s nothing to understand.”
I turned and walked a few steps away from him. I wanted to turn back, but there was just so much between us now, so much left unspoken. I heard him come up behind me.
“Why are you so fucking scared?” he asked me.
“I joined the Spiders,” I said.
I could practically feel him tense. “When?”
“Just before I walked back into this room.”
“That’s what you want?”
I turned back around and felt like someone had slapped me in the face. The hurt and the anger was so clear in his expression that it nearly overwhelmed me.
“I have nothing else,” I said. “Do you really still think Louisa is bad?”
“Not bad,” he said. “Just playing a game we don’t understand.”
“She admitted that much, but she said she’d explain everything to me.”
“I just don’t trust her.”
“It’s too late for that,” I said. “I’m committed. I have nothing else in my life, no other meaning. I’ve lived for so long in fear, and now for the first time I get to make my own choices and go wherever I want. Louisa and the Spiders can give me purpose, maybe even fulfill me.”
“God damn,” he said. “You really are terrified. You’re jumping at the first damn offer you get. You think there’s nothing else for you in this world? It’s a much bigger fucking place than you think.”
“Maybe,” I whispered. “Maybe I am scared. But I’m less scared when I think about being a part of something bigger than myself.”
“That’s what I thought too when I joined the fucking mob.” He shook his head. “You can’t always see the bigger picture when you’re right in the middle of it.”
“I have to go,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
He made a face and then sighed. “You do what you have to do.”
Just then, there was a knock at the door. I stared at him, almost terrified, as he walked over and answered it.
Louisa stood there, smiling like usual. “Hello, Brooks,” she said.
“Louisa.”
“Did Emma tell you?”
“That she’s joining your gang? She sure did.”
“Isn’t that great?”
“I’m not so sure about that,” Brooks said. “Sounds like a frying pan and the fire type situation to me.”
Louisa walked into the room, ignoring him. “Ready?” she asked me.
I didn’t know what to say. This conversation wasn’t over yet. It felt like there was a lot left unsaid between us, and I wanted to get it all out in the open.
But I’d made a decision, and I couldn’t turn back. I couldn’t give in to my fear. This was the right call. I was sure of it. I just wished Brooks could see that.
“I’m ready,” I said.
“Good. Let’s head out.” She turned back to Brooks. “Take care of yourself. I hear you’re getting a big promotion.”
“Yeah,” he grunted. “We’ll see.”
Louisa smiled and then left the room. I walked up to Brooks and stood in front of him. I didn’t want to leave the room, but I knew I had to if I wanted to become a Spider and do this for real.