Kissing the Killer(63)

“So I guess you can go take your promotion.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know what bullshit Louisa fed you about me, but she doesn’t know me. She’s a smart person and she watches people, but she doesn’t know everything.”

“What doesn’t she know?” Emma asked, and I heard a hint of desperation in her voice.

But I couldn’t grab on to it. “She doesn’t fucking know a damn thing.” I walked over to the door. After everything that had happened between us, Emma thought I was betraying her. She thought that I’d kept her around just because I wanted to use her like some sort of slave.

After all the death and the danger, after getting shot, she still didn’t trust me.

That pissed me off the most. I had holes in my body. I had killed for her. And now Louisa comes along, poisoning her against me.

“I’m leaving,” I said.

“Fine,” she answered. “Do what you need to do.”

“You’re making a mistake,” I said to her, “but I can’t stop you anymore. You’re free, Emma. You’re totally free.”

I turned the doorknob and left the room.

As I stormed through the hallways, walking without direction, I had a deep, sinking feeling in my chest.

I’d made the wrong choice back there.

Somehow something had just happened, some pivotal moment. Emma had seemed like she needed something from me, but I just wasn’t able to give it to her, not in that moment. I didn’t have it within me.

But I also needed something from her. I needed her trust. She’d seen enough, heard enough. She fucking knew me well enough to know that I wasn’t just going to throw her under the bus for some fucking bullshit promotion.

Too late for all this now, though. I had already left, and she had already made up her mind. Whatever Louisa had offered her was better than what I could give, and that had to be the end of that.

I felt like I was losing something, and I didn’t really understand why. I could turn back and explain to her. I could tell her that everything I’d done since meeting her was only to keep her safe, and that I’d never betray her no matter what. I could tell her that I wasn’t even sure I wanted to take the damn promotion.

But the farther away from the room I got, the further away from Emma I felt. And I was just too damn far away now, too fucking far away to turn back.

I was a killer. I would always be a killer. Emma wanted to be free, and she couldn’t be free with a man like me keeping her down. For her sake, for my own sake, I had to just keep walking, keep walking through these halls. I had to keep moving forward.





26





Emma





Watching Brooks go hurt me more than I’d thought it would.

I knew there was something there between us. That was undeniable. I felt it every time he looked at me, every time he came near. It was more than just physical; it was emotional, it was intense. But I didn’t know what the thing was, not really, and maybe I never would.

Maybe it was just because he had saved me that night. Maybe it was just because he was the first man, the best man, to ever really want me that way. But no matter what it was, he had left in that moment, and I felt like something had changed between us.

I slowly got dressed. Suddenly the wealth of everything around me was tainted, not just by what Louisa had told me, but also by Brooks leaving. I didn’t know where he was going or if he would be back, but he’d told me that I was free. Maybe that meant he really wasn’t going to return.

I put my old clothes on, and they felt loose and dirty, but they were all I had. I didn’t care, though, since I had more important things to worry about than whether or not I looked cute. Once I was dressed, I left the room, making sure to grab my key card on the way out.

I wandered the halls, not really thinking about where I was going. It didn’t matter considering I didn’t know where anything was either way. All I knew was that I wanted to get out of that apartment and try to forget about whatever had just happened between me and Brooks.

As I walked, I felt fear creeping in along the edges of my mind. For the first time, I really was free. It was the one thing I’d yearned for my whole life, to finally be out from under the control of men like my father. Brooks had promised to give me that freedom, and in a lot of ways he had delivered.

I was on my own. I had a choice to make, a choice that Brooks couldn’t influence. He wasn’t in control anymore, and I could go my own way if that was what I really wanted.

But was joining the Spiders a good idea? They were violent killers, although they killed for a good cause. Still, I saw those women fighters back at the compound. Could I become like that?