Kiss of a Dragon(36)

It didn’t. Obviously.

His leg casually brushed against hers, and his fingers wove into her hair, bringing it forward to fan over her breasts, hiding a bit of her nakedness. He was peering urgently into her eyes, waiting for something. Probably for her to say something. Which she should do, but the words were suddenly dammed up behind her near-tears.

“You don’t have to explain.” His fingers were trailing through her hair, brushing her breast underneath the cascade of it. His naked chest had dragon tattoos and the runes he had shown her before. They were moving, slowly flexing and pulsing along his body in a way that mesmerized her.

She pulled in a breath. “I should explain. That way, you’ll see—it’s just not going to work.”

“Then, by all means, do.” He moved a little, so his body touched hers more, his broad chest leaning against her side. He peered into her eyes. “But know that I’ve lived five hundred years, my treasure, and there is absolutely nothing you can say which will surprise me.”

“Five hundred years. You weren’t kidding when you said that before.” Holy fuck. No wonder his words sounded like they were from a different time. But they were also oddly reassuring. And it was strange, what had happened to her. The few men she had told hadn’t known what to do with it.

Lucian smiled a little, but it was sad. His fingers still traced small lines of heat across her chest. “No, it is not a joke. Dragons aren’t immortal, strictly speaking, but the years can seem an eternity.”

She frowned. He had his own darkness. She had sensed it from the beginning. Maybe if she opened up, shared hers, he would do the same. And he already knew the embarrassing part—that she was no longer able to function sexually. Broken. There wasn’t really another word for it.

She placed her hand over his, stilling it where it had lightly been touching her breast. Then she pressed his hand against it. His eyes flashed, the light amber showing a bit of his golden dragon for a moment. Then his eyelids dropped a little, lust hazing them again.

Before he could take that as a hint, rather the thank you she meant it to be, she spoke up. “You’re a sweet man, Lucian Smoke.”

His eyes opened wide again, and he smirked. “That’s not a word often used to describe me.”

“Well, it’s true.” She touched his cheek with her fingertips. So warm. Like he was burning hot dragon fire in his veins instead of blood. “You’re sweet for wanting to fix me, but it’s not going to work. I’ve tried. More times than I want to think about. But what happened to me isn’t something that can be erased or undone.”

He frowned but didn’t speak. And she knew what he must be thinking. That she had been raped. Only it hadn’t been that… not exactly. Technically, yes. Her therapist said yes. But it was both more than that and different. Which was why she needed to explain.

“I’ve had my share of loser men in my life,” she started.

His frown disappeared into a sudden attentiveness. He shifted his hand from her breast to her cheek, brushing it with the backs of his fingers. “Tell me.”

“It started in foster care,” she said, drawing in a breath and searching for a way to make this quick. “A long string of lecherous foster fathers and boys my age who just wanted sex. And a couple who thought it was okay to hit a woman who didn’t do what he wanted.”

The gold in Lucian’s eyes flashed again, but his face was set in a mask of concern. “I’m well aware of those kinds of men.”

“None of them ever actually…” She swallowed. “No one ever managed to rape me. It’s kind of a miracle, really, given the situations I’ve been in. Hit, yes. Punched in the gut, once or twice. Left with a bloody lip for not keeping the fridge full? Yeah.”

Lucian’s face twitched, micro flinches that spoke to her about how good this man really was. Most men gave her looks like they didn’t believe her. A few grimaced, horrified. This one was feeling her words like they were strikes against him. Her heart couldn’t help opening with that.

He stayed quiet, waiting for her to go on.

“But then I thought I had finally found someone who was… decent,” she said. “He was bright and funny. A law student like me. We were madly in love. At least, I thought we were. I should have known that I had no idea what love really was. What it looks like. Feels like. I thought because he wanted me and didn’t beat the shit out of me or try to rape me, that meant he loved me. But there was a side of him, a darker side, that I didn’t… well, I just plain didn’t see it. I was so used to seeing the ugliness of a man paraded around on the outside, I guess I just missed the signals...” Her throat was closing up.