Kiss an Angel(136)
“It’s all right,” he whispered through the darkness. “I won’t touch you, sweetheart.”
She stayed where she was until she realized that it made no difference whether he touched her or not. No matter what he did, she would feel nothing.
Alex shoved his hands into the pocket of his windbreaker and leaned against the hurricane fence that marked the far edge of the lot where they’d be spending the next two days. They were in Monroe County, Georgia, and the October air of midmorning carried the crisp hint of autumn.
Brady approached him. “You look like hell.”
“Yeah, well you don’t look so good yourself.”
“Women,” he snorted. “Can’t live with them. Can’t murder ’em in their sleep.”
Alex couldn’t even summon a smile. Brady might be having trouble with Sheba, but at least his relationship with Heather was going well. The two of them spent a lot of time together, and Brady was a more patient trainer than he’d been in the past. It was paying off, too, because Heather’s performances were improving.
He and Daisy had been back for ten days, and the entire circus knew that something was drastically wrong with her. She didn’t laugh anymore or flounce around the lot with her ponytail bouncing. She was polite to everyone—she was even helping Heather with her schoolwork—but all the special qualities that had made her who she was seemed to have been extinguished. And everybody expected him to fix her.
Brady pulled a toothpick from his shirt pocket and slipped it into his mouth. “Daisy’s been a lot different since she got back.”
“She’s adjusting to being pregnant, that’s all.”
Brady wasn’t fooled. “I miss the way she used to be. She was always nibbing in my business—I guess I don’t miss that—but I sure miss the way she cared about everybody. Now it doesn’t seem like she cares about anything other than Sinjun and the elephants.”
“She’ll get over it.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
They watched in silence as a truck dumped a load of hay. Alex saw Daisy pick up one of the long-handled brushes and begin scrubbing Puddin’. He’d told her he didn’t want her working, but she said she’d gotten used to work. Then he’d tried to order her to stay away from all of the elephants except Tater, fearing that one of them would swat her. She’d looked right through him and done exactly what she wanted.
Brady crossed his arms over his chest. “I thought you should know—I saw her curled up in Sinjun’s cage again last night.”
“Damn it! I swear to God I’m going to handcuff her if she doesn’t stay out of that tiger cage!”
“It scares the shit out of me, I’ll tell you that. I hate seeing her like this.”
“Yeah, well you’re not the only one.”
“Why don’t you do something?”
“Just what do you suggest? I had one of my cars brought down from Connecticut so she wouldn’t have to ride in the truck, but she said she liked the truck. I’ve bought her flowers, and she ignores them. I tried to order a new RV, but she had a fit when she found out about it, so I had to cancel. I don’t know what else I can do.” He shoved his hand through his hair. “Why am I telling you this? If you knew anything about women, you wouldn’t be hanging around Sheba.”
“You’re not getting any argument out of me.”
“Daisy’s going to be fine. It’s just a matter of time.”
“Sure. You’re probably right.”
“Damn right I am.”
If he repeated it enough times, maybe he could make it come true. How he missed the way she had been. She never cried anymore. Her easy tears had been as much a part of her as the air she breathed, but now she seemed to have anesthetized herself to emotion. He remembered the way she used to throw herself into his arms from the top of the truck ramp, the sound of her laughter, the brush of her hand in his hair. He ached for her in a way he had never ached for anyone, and last night, it had pushed him over the edge.
He winced at the memory.
He’d dreamed she was smiling at him in that way she used to, her whole face lit up, offering herself to him. He’d awakened to find himself pressed against her. It had been so long, and he wanted her too much to let her go.
He slid his hand along her hip and over the sweet thickening at her waist. She’d awakened immediately, and he’d felt her stiffen as he caressed her, but she didn’t pull away. She didn’t even resist when he spread her thighs and moved on top of her. Instead, she lay passively while he added one more sin to the list of those he’d already committed against her. He’d felt like a rapist, and this morning he hadn’t been able to look himself in the eye when he’d shaved.