Kinky Boots(46)
Chapter 15
Vivie nearly beat the door down before Jill could open it. She scooped her in a desperate bear hug. ‘Thank God you’re all right!’ And then she was blubbering on Jill’s shoulder.
Before Jill could say anything Vivie spoke, still holding her tight. ‘I know,’ she said between sobs. ‘I know everything. I know about Eleanor; I know about Sole Alliance. Finn told me.’
Jill supposed she should have been furious that Finn had brought Vivie into this mess, but instead she found herself moved, holding her friend to her as though her life depended on it. Vivie’s sobs invited her own, which she had managed to stave off through the workday by burying herself in the mountains of unfinished business Devlin had left. There was no need for that now, and the tears came.
After a while they settled on the sofa with a bottle of chardonnay, and Vivie continued. ‘You have to take her back, Jill. You have to take Eleanor back. You have to, because you’re my best friend and I couldn’t stand it if something happened to you. I just couldn’t.’
‘I made it through the day without dying,’ Jill said, ‘and I don’t have any plans to kill myself.’ She chafed her arms with her hands, feeling cold and empty. ‘Though I do have an urge to curl up in bed and cry for a few months.’
‘Finn’s desolate,’ Vivie said. ‘And so is Eleanor, I’m told.’
‘Glad to know I’m in good company.’ Jill downed her glass of wine and was about to refill before she remembered that, without Eleanor, she was no longer immune to the effects of alcohol, and she had to work tomorrow. She’d need her wits about her, and work was sanity at the moment. She didn’t want to be hungover.
Vivie grabbed her hand and squeezed it till it hurt. ‘Bloody hell, Jilly, it’s not worth losing your life over, is it? Finn said you and Eleanor got on well. He said you were good together.’ She held her gaze. ‘He said the three of you were good together. Jilly, the man loves you, can’t you see that?’
‘How do I know it’s really me he loves, Vivie?’ Jill pulled her hands away and blew her nose on a mangled tissue. ‘I mean, what part do I really play in our little ménage? I’m just the blank slate Eleanor can make over into her own image, into Finn’s dream lover.’ She wiped fiercely at her eyes. ‘If it’s just the demon enhancements that make me super-Jill, sexier, smarter, prettier, more fashion-conscious, then it’s not really me anyway, is it? It’s someone else he loves.’
Vivie shook her head, and the lovely lines of her jaw stiffened as though she were biting something hard. ‘You can’t really be that stupid, Jilly. Finn wanted you before Eleanor ever took up housekeeping. He told me so. Did it ever occur to you that Eleanor has nothing without flesh? Did it ever occur to you that maybe in you she has everything she wanted, everything she ever dreamed of? You’re smart, you’re beautiful, you’re tender-hearted, you’re passionate. Hell, if I could trade places with anyone in the world, it would be you, Jill. Are you the only one who can’t see? Are you really the only one who doesn’t know how amazing you are?’
She didn’t feel amazing. She felt anything but. Not that it mattered. She couldn’t see that she had any choice under the circumstances. Jill squared her shoulders and ignored the tears. She figured she’d best get used to them. ‘Whether I live or die doesn’t matter so much, Vivie, if it’s not me. Things were amazing with Eleanor, and I miss her, and I miss Finn. But I have to know. I have to be certain that I’m still Jill Hart, and that it’s me, really me that they want.’
Three Months Later
‘Fizz and not tequila shots. I’ll take that as a good sign.’ The voice made Jill’s insides somersault, and the fact that she somehow knew that Finn Masters wasn’t alone, that Eleanor was in residence, made the feeling all the more intense.
‘I’m celebrating. Full On is one of the most frequently visited eZines in the UK. The list just came out.’
‘I know,’ he said. ‘I’ve been following it. Its success is mostly due to you, from what I understand. Congratulations.’
He sat down on the stool next to her and ordered a pint. For a second they sat in silence watching the Friday-evening crowd swell the ranks at the Water Poet, almost before their eyes. ‘Is Meinrad minding the shop tonight?’ she asked, hoping that light and airy conversation would disguise the nerves that bubbled to the surface with Finn and Eleanor so close to her after all these weeks, after all of the agony of trying to get used to being without them.