I let Justin lead me away from Devin, who I will never touch again.
*
Justin brings me home and I sleep for a long time. He tells me fifteen hours, and when I wake up, there is a ton of food from Louisa and I eat some of it even though I'm not at all hungry. I smoke a few cigarettes on the back porch and come inside and tell Justin that I want to be alone. He looks hurt.
“Jenna, I'm not sure that's a good idea,” he says. He looks uncomfortable. “Is this about what you said to Devin at the hospital?”
I shake my head. “No, it's not,” I say. Or at least the part Justin heard. “I promise we will talk about that. I know you want to talk.”
“Only if you want to,” he says.
I nod. “I will, I promise. Right now there's no point. I really just want to sit down and be alone. I won't be much fun.”
“I'm okay with that,” Justin says. “You don't have to be fun. I just want to stay with you.”
I am frustrated. “Justin, please,” I plead. “Just go home tonight. I'll call you in the morning, but right now I can't be with you, or anyone.”
“Fine,” he sighs. “Don't push me away, though.” I stand up and kiss him gently. Looking at his face closely, I can see he's been crying as well. Typical man, I think, who won't cry in front of me.
After I see Justin drive away I jump into the shower and hose off two days of sleep and tears. I shampoo my hair and shave everything below my eyebrows and step out smelling like the exotically spiced body soap I purchased for special occasions. I rub myself down with body oil until I am glistening and put on enough makeup to hide the puffiness. As my hair air dries, I dress myself in a matching black lacy bra and panties and pick up my phone. My hands aren't shaking as I would expect them to. I have a new confidence that I'm convinced comes from Kate. She is still with me, I know, but I am in control.
“Hello Jenna,” I hear Drake say. My heart starts to pound. So much for confidence, I think, but I take a deep breath.
“Hello,” I purr. “I need some company.”
“I read about your brother this morning in the paper,” he says. I wasn't counting on that. “I'm very sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you,” I say through my teeth. “Care to come over and comfort me?”
“Oh, I think you don't need that from me,” he said. “You can't get that from the young strapping man you're with now?”
“Alright,” I say. “How about this? I have something you want and I'd like to give it to you.” There is silence on the other end of the phone. “No strings attached,” I add.
“There are always strings attached,” he says. “I'll be over in one hour.”
I hang up and go to my purse. Luckily, Justin never bothered to check inside while I was sleeping and the gun and DVD are still in there. I spend some time pacing around and finally the doorbell rings. Drake is there wearing a suit with no tie and looking completely perfect and composed. His hair is slicked back and while he is still handsome as hell, he’s downright ugly to me right now. I let him inside and shut the door. “Hello Jenna,” he says. “Do you have something for me?”
“I do,” I say, and walk over to my purse. I touch the gun and pull out the DVD and show it to him. “Why don't you watch it with me?” I ask him.
His eyes widen and he grins. “Oh? I would have never guessed you would be up for that. Maybe you’re more like me than I initially thought. I'd love to watch it with you.”
“You have no idea how much I'm like you,” I say. “We can't watch it up here,” I tell him. “The DVD player doesn’t work. Let's go down to the basement. I found exactly what you were looking for. My father's private library. I thought you might be interested to see it all.”
“I have no interest in the rest of what your perverted father stashed away in this house,” Drake replies. “And as much as I’d like to relive your childhood with you, I don’t really have time to sit and have movie night with you. Of course I’d love to watch it with you, but I don’t trust you to give this to me in the end. I'll just take this and go. I'm sure my brother will be quite interested to have this in his possession.”
“You're not leaving with this,” I say, and pull the gun out of my purse and point it at him. “Start walking.”
Drake smirks and turns around. “Where would you like me to walk? And what do you intend to do with that gun?” he asks me. “Shoot me?”
“Walk down that hallway and open the second door to your right. I'm going to kill you,” I say. “My brother died riding his motorcycle on his way to kill you. I'm doing what he should have succeeded in doing.” Drake begins to walk to the basement door and opens it. “Downstairs,” I command him and he starts down the stairs, arms over his head in defensive mode. He and I are down there with the rubble of broken brick wall and the wall of DVDs. “Turn to me and sit down in that chair,” I say, motioning toward the recliner with the gun still pointed at him.