“I’m not sure,” I reply. “I just feel…comfortable with him. And I had a feeling he knew some things already.”
“Probably,” Devin admits, offering up nothing further. “Are you sure you don’t want to report this to the police?”
I shake my head. I just want to move past this. Devin shrugs. “Okay, it’s your call. If you change your mind we’ll go together, okay?” I nod. He stretches and yawns and I sit up. “I’m starving. Breakfast?”
“Sure,” I say.
“Great, I’ll whip something up.” He stands up and ducks into the kitchen and then decides to add, “You know, before Justin gets here to help out with the gutting of the downstairs bathroom.”
“Devin!” I shout. “Can’t you put it off a bit longer until I can talk to him?”
“Nope,” he tells me. “Justin has the day off work and we planned it already.”
“Fine,” I say. “I’ve been meaning to register for school and find a job.”
“Well fuck,” Devin says as I walk into the kitchen while he scrambles eggs. “Had I known that having a guy over for a potentially awkward moment would motivate you to get off your ass and out of the house to become a competent member of society I’d have done this ages ago.”
“Very funny,” I say. “Make me my damn breakfast.”
After I am fed I feel ridiculously sleepy as does Devin. Justin won’t be over until noon and so it gives both of us time to catch a quick nap. When I open the door to my bedroom, she’s there.
“Oh fuck,” I breathe. “Where have you been?”
“Oh, around,” she says casually. I note with disgust that she’s wearing the red bra and panties I wore last night that I’d tossed on the floor before I showered myself off. “Did you miss me?”
“No,” I say, turning my back to her and shedding my robe and opening a drawer to get a t-shirt. “In fact I did not. Considering what you let me endure last night, I’d say you’re not welcome right now.”
“Oh no?” she purrs. She lounges languidly on my bed and reaches around the side. She comes up with a DVD. It’s from my “collection”. “Care to watch a dirty movie with me? Or have you seen enough?”
“Very funny.”
She smiles slightly and stands up and walks over to me. I feel her touching me yet she’s distant this time, as though she might walk through me. I see her in the mirror across my room. Her hands reach up from her sides to cup my breasts, but I don’t feel anything. Normally she would make me tremble, make me want her. All I want is for her to leave. “When he touched you last night, you didn’t want me. When I touch you today, you don’t want me. Maybe you’re finally dead inside.”
“No!” I shriek. “Go away! I’m not dead. You’re dead to me!”
“Jenna!” Devin slams my door open and bursts in. Kate disappears and I am crouched down, sobbing. I’m sure I look pathetic. Devin scoops me up like a baby and the DVD Kate has presented me with falls to the ground. Devin casts a glance at it. I wish he wouldn’t see it. “Jenna, was she here?” I nod. “Jesus Christ,” is all he can say. “Come on, come to my room. I’ll watch you and make sure you sleep.” I nod and allow him to rescue me, as usual.
Chapter 10
It’s 8:00 am the following day when I wake up in Devin’s bed. I feel like I’ve been drugged. To make things worse, I can’t stop crying and it’s making my head feel like it’s full of rocks. I feel like the reality of what actually happened the previous night hadn’t hit me yet, but now the impact of the events come crashing down and I feel like they might suffocate me. My hands twist within Devin’s sheets and I writhe as though in pain. I’m sure I look like Linda Blair from The Exorcist right now. I am naked underneath. Sometime during my long sleep I ripped my clothes off and tossed them on the floor next to the bed. The soft cotton sheets against my skin make me uncomfortable. It’s warm in the room, and stuffy. I throw off the light blanket Devin has placed over me with one swift kick and I pull the pillow from my head to between my legs. As I rub myself against the pillow, my head begins to feel lighter, the tears stop, and the drugged feeling leaves me. I come, crying out, feeling renewed and calm.
Jesus, what the fuck am I doing? I sit up and quietly freak out. I rest my head against my fingertips and feel incredibly guilty and disgusted with myself. What kind of morally depraved individual have I become? “Jenna?” I hear Devin knocking on the door, making me catch my breath. “Are you awake? What’s going on? I hear noise.”