Killer Confections8 Delectable Mysteries(554)

“Too dull?” I asked. “How about the fact that I don’t have a motive?”

“Oh, well, there is that, too,” Susannah admitted.

“But speaking of motive,” I continued, “you might find one or two amongst Congressman Ream’s party.” Jeanette seemed to shift on her stool, just like Joel had.

“How’s that?” asked Melvin.

I couldn’t bring myself to look at Jeanette as I spoke, so I focused on a spot above the fireplace mantel where Mama had hung a painting of “Jesus Knocking at the Door.” The painting was gone now, and in its place hung a brightly colored Pennsylvania Dutch hex sign. It seemed like an appropriate place to look. I began to explain slowly.

“Well, it has been brought to my attention that the Congressman is the victim’s biological father.” Jeanette gasped but said nothing.

“Go on,” said Melvin.

“So, you see the connection, don’t you? Maybe the Congressman wanted Linda out of the way for political reasons, especially since he may well decide to run for President, if he gets as far as the Senate. An illegitimate daughter,” I swallowed hard, “might be too much political baggage for even Garrett Ream to carry.”

“Now wait just one cotton-picking minute,” said Billy Dee. “Who told you that?”

“If you don’t believe the Congressman is Linda’s father, just ask Ms. Parker.”

“That’s not what I mean,” said Billy Dee impatiently. “Who told you the Congressman has plans for national office?”

I hope Susannah was proud of me, because I didn't even glance in her direction. “I have my sources. And anyway that’s not the issue. The issue is that Garrett Ream has a motive.”

“Hardly,” said Melvin. “Nobody’s likely to kill his own daughter just to be President. The issue is the daughter, not whether she’s alive or dead.”

I must admit he had me there. “Well, what about Mrs. Ream?” As much as I liked the woman, it was better her skin than mine.

“What about her?”

“Well,” I fumbled, “maybe she couldn’t stand to be confronted with her husband’s indiscretion.”

Jeanette stood up and jabbed her finger in my direction again. “Linda was not the result of some indiscretion. Garrett and I were lovers. True lovers. We loved each other passionately, and long before he met Ms. High and Mighty.”

“Well, that certainly isn’t our business, is it? I mean, about you and the Congressman being ‘true lovers.’ That sort of thing.”

“Apparently that ‘sort of thing’ has never been your business, so why don’t you just butt the hell out?”

“Ladies, ladies,” chided Billy Dee gently, “like the man says, we need to stick to the issue.”

“Well, what about Delbert James?” asked Susannah helpfully. Although she’s my own sister, sometimes it seems like Susannah’s bulb is so dim even an owl couldn’t read by it.

“What about him?” Melvin and I asked together. Susannah sat gaping silently at us like a hen who has seen the hawk but doesn’t know in which direction to run.

“Actually, she might have a point,” said Billy Dee gallantly. “Delbert James might have done it. In fact, any of us might have done it, inadvertently.”

“You mean that possibly the intended victim was someone other than Linda McMahon?” Melvin seemed to come alive with this new realm of possibilities.

“Yeah, that’s what I mean. Now take this Delbert guy, I don’t hardly know him, but him and the Congressman are too tight, if you ask me. Like maybe one’s got something on the other. Maybe he was trying to poison the Congressman, or the other way around, and Linda ate whatever it was by mistake.”

“Or maybe Delbert and the Congressman are gay and Mrs. Ream was trying to poison Delbert,” suggested Susannah. Honestly, she should have left well enough alone.

“Don’t be such a stupid twit,” said Jeanette. “Garrett is far from gay.”

Nobody speaks to my sister like that, except for me. “Well, then, maybe you were trying to poison Garrett because he dumped you, and you accidentally poisoned your own daughter.”

“Nobody dumped me,” Jeanette practically shrieked. I didn’t flinch. “Or maybe you were trying to poison Lydia Ream because you were jealous of her.”

“Why the hell should I be jealous of that insipid, bourgeois sheep? Garrett and I split up twenty-three years ago.”



In order not to escalate the hostilities, I suppressed a chuckle. If Lydia Ream was bourgeois, then so was Princess Di. “May I go now?”