Killer Confections8 Delectable Mysteries(546)

“Some. But you couldn’t pay me enough to taste that mess Jeanette served up. Leeks is something that happens to your faucet. Not something you oughta be eating.

“However, that casserole your cook brought over sure hit the spot. Had me two helpings of that.”

“What casserole, and what cook?”

“You know, that sort of short woman with the... uh... the uh... the big... uh...”

“Freni? Freni Hostetler was here?” The department Freni was big in was all too obvious. Susannah and I have often mused that her branch of the family had somehow usurped all the mammary genes in our pool. It may be only a slight exaggeration, but if Susannah and I laid flat on our backs we would make excellent putting greens.

“Yeah,” said Billy Dee, "Mrs. Hostetler, that’s her name.”

“But Freni doesn’t even work for me anymore!”

“You fire her?”

“She quit. But with Freni it’s all the same. How long was she here for?”

“Just brought the casserole and left. Oh, she did ask where you were. Seemed kinda disappointed you weren’t around.”

“Well, that’s the breaks. How was Linda’s salad?”

“Miss Yoder, I mean Magdalena, when I don’t know the name of something, I ain’t likely to eat it.”

“But it was just a salad.”

“That’s what she said, but there were vegetables in there I ain’t never seen before.”

Considering the state of Sam’s produce, I doubt if even Linda could provide the correct nomenclature. “What about Lydia’s vegetarian curry?” I asked. “That sounded delicious to me.”

Billy sighed. “Mrs. Ream is an awfully nice woman, and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, not after she ate my stew and everything, so I tasted the stuff.”

“And?”

His expression told me everything. “Couldn’t get more than a bite down,” he said needlessly. “But I did like the Congressman’s beans. And you know what? Even that stuff Joel made wasn’t that bad. I ain’t never had broiled bananas before, but they’re better than they sound. In fact, everyone liked them so much, Joel had to get up and make some more.”

“I’ll have to get his recipe,” I said, although I was pretty sure I wouldn’t like them.

Billy Dee and I chatted on a bit more. He confessed that he and Lydia had done the cleanup and all the dishes, but Lydia had made him promise not to give her any credit for the good deed. He also informed me that the next day’s plans were pretty much the same as they had been for today. Except, of course, that his team was going to be more vigilant and not let the Congressman’s party get away from them. To that end he had already taken the liberty of making up some sandwiches for his group.

“And don’t worry about breakfast,” said Billy Dee. “We’ll each just make our own, if it’s all right with you.”

“That’s perfectly fine. Didn’t the Congressman and Delbert have any luck at all today in their hunting?”

“They claim they didn’t see a single buck worth taking. But,” he lowered his voice conspiratorially, even though there wasn’t a soul awake to hear us, “just between you and me, I don’t think they even went hunting. Not after deer, anyway. No, sir, I don’t think deer’s their kind of game.”

“Then what is?” What a shame Billy Dee was slipping from the rational category into the absurd.

Billy smiled a wide, Cheshire-cat-like grin. “I aim to find out tomorrow. For sure.”





Chapter 17





For only the second time I can remember, I outslept Susannah. The first time was the morning following my high school prom. No, I was not up all night partying and drinking. I was up all night crying because Mama wouldn’t let me go, even though I had been invited by Eldon Shrock, who was a fourth cousin twice removed, and the son of Hernia’s mayor. Mama said, and Papa silently agreed, that dancing was the tool the devil used to get younger people to fornicate.

“All that rubbing together,” Mama had explained, “leads to urges that the body can’t control.”

“But we’ll mostly just be doing the twist,” I argued. “We won’t even be touching.”

“Just the same, Magdalena, vibrations will be jumping back and forth between the two of you, like lightning between two thunderheads.”

“But, Mama, the twist is fun. It’s no worse than drying off with a towel!” I demonstrated briefly for her benefit.

Mama had blushed and turned quickly away. “Not even with your Papa could I imagine doing such a thing!”