“Please understand we all had a role to play, and this was mine. I was protecting my little brother, Aideen. I was afraid if I pulled back too much and didn’t do what I was supposed to do then Marco would kill Damien.”
“I understand,” I whispered.
I surprised Kane with my reply, but I surprised myself even more. I understood why Kane did what he did, and it was because I truly understood that he was doing horrible things to protect his brother. If I were put in a position to save one of my brother’s lives, I’d do it no matter what the cost.
To protect those we love, we’d do anything, regardless of the consequences.
“There were stubborn people though, people who didn’t want to pay back what they owed,” Kane said, then swallowed. “I had to hurt them in a different way.”
He stopped talking and I decided I didn’t need to know what way he meant. I could imagine the horrible things and I didn’t even fully know the extent of what he was forced to do, so I didn’t need a detailed description.
I then jumped to a question that was boggling my mind. “Why were you punished if you did your job? That doesn’t make sense to me.”
“Because I didn’t always do it.”
He didn’t?
“Why not?”
Kane looked at me, his eyes empty. “Because I hated every single second of it. I hated hurting people. I hated it.”
“Okay, baby,” I breathed and moved closer, hoping I offered some comfort to him. “I know you wouldn’t do any of what you told me out of your own free will.”
Kane’s eyes went dark, and the muscles in his jaw tensed.
“I do it out of free will now, but only if they’re scum.”
I blinked when he said that. He didn’t have to hurt people, yet he did it anyway, but this time they were bad people? To me, that sounded like he was trying to make up for all the bad he had done by trying to right a wrong in the only way he knew how.
I placed my hands on Kane’s tense face and forced him to look at me. “You do not need to do anythin’. You don’t need to hurt bad people to make up for hurting any innocent people. You’ve paid your debt. You don’t need to burden yourself with it anymore.”
“I just wanted to prove to myself that I’m not the monster everyone thinks I am,” he whispered. “If I stop even one scumbag, it’ll be enough.”
Oh, Kane.
“You did, honey,” I murmured as tears welled in my eyes. “You helped stop Marco. He was a horrible human being, and you stopped him. Who knows how much hurt, and how many lives, you saved by doin’ that?”
Kane blinked up at me. “I-I never considered that.”
I pressed my forehead against his. “You’re free from those evil people. Your past doesn’t make you who you are. All the horrible things you were forced to do doesn’t reflect your character. You know you’re a good man, and so does everyone else.”
“You really believe that?” he murmured as he looked at me with his ocean blue eyes.
I nodded my head and said, “I do.”
He swallowed and licked his lips. “Hearing that... it means everything.”
“Bad things happen to good people every day, Kane,” I assured him. “You just got caught up in somethin’ you had no control over.”
He wrapped his arms around me. “I love you so much, Aideen. I’m sorry for anything I’ve ever said or done that has hurt you.”
That admission caused the tears in my eyes to fall.
“Do you really love me?”
“More than anything in this world,” Kane instantly replied. “You’re everything to me.”
My lower lip trembled. “I’m nothin’ to fuss over, Kane.”
“You haven’t seen yourself through my eyes. You’re definitely something to fuss over, babydoll. Trust me.”
I did.
I trusted Kane.
“I do,” I whispered, “with me life.”
He closed his eyes. “I need to tell you everything inside my head so you get a clear picture of how much I need you in my life. By my side.”
He didn’t have to, I had already known.
“Kane-”
“When we don’t speak, I don’t sleep. I’m a mess without you, and I’m not afraid of admitting it. I am afraid that if you don’t come back to me that I’ll exist just always feeling this empty inside.”
“Kane.”
His grip on me tightened. “I’ll do whatever you want, I swear it.”