“I’m going to tell you something that might shock you. So drink that while I talk, okay?”
“There is nothing you can say that is more shocking than the fact you are here in England, with Landon, engaged,” Tess says coolly.
“No,” I say, shaking my head, and then clasping my hands together to stop them from shaking, too. “There is.”
“What?” Emmy asks.
“I’m not who you think I am, not entirely.” I forge ahead, knowing I just have to get this over with. “I have a five-year-old daughter.”
For a second the room is silent, and then they’re asking questions all at once.
“Wait, what?” Tess asks. “Why didn’t you tell us?”
“You’re a mom?” Emmy sets down her drink. “I’m so confused, Claire, what the actual fuck?”
So I explain. I tell them about why I kept my personal life under wraps at first, and how then too much time had passed to tell them without it being weird. And how I didn’t want it to be about me when Emmy’s sister was in the hospital. And how I’m self-sufficient and don’t want them to judge me.
And how, deep down, I know if they know what I really am—a mom—the friendship will change.
It already has, because both their eyes are filled with tears.
I’ve ruined this.
“I can’t believe you’d hide your kid from us. Like ... are we not good enough to know her or something?” Emmy asks.
I realize the story she is telling herself about my secret is that she isn’t good enough, when the truth is I wanted to keep Sophia to myself because I am selfish.
Because I’m scared.
“We’ve only been friends a few months.” I feel like such a mess, still in my pajamas, not ready for the day at all—and especially not ready to be confronted by my friends. “It isn’t about either of you. You are more than I deserve.”
“Then what is it really about?” Tess asks.
“It’s about me. About me not liking my place in life. I love Sophia. So much. But sometimes I feel stuck. Like the life I have isn’t one I chose.” I bury my hands in my face, ashamed at what I’ve admitted to them.
“But you chose Landon? He knows about Sophia, right?” Tess asks.
“Yeah, and when did you fall in love? I just ... Claire, this is a crazy amount of information to try to absorb,” Emmy says, and I agree with her.
Mostly because half of it is still untrue.
I’m still stuck in my lies.
I try to move ahead using half-truths instead. “Landon proposed at the airport. It was sudden and unexpected, but his family thinks we’ve been together a few months, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell them that it hasn’t been that long.”
“How long has it been?” Emmy asks. “When did you start seeing one another?”
Telling her the truth is my only choice. “We hooked up after your wedding. I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to mess things up in the group if Landon and I were a one time thing.”
“Okay, I can forgive you ... I guess,” Emmy says. “I mean, my feelings are really hurt, and I don’t get it. Get you.” It’s quiet for a moment, then she asks, “Who is Sophia’s father?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.” There is no way I can get into that with them today, on top of everything else. I swallow, not able to meet Emmy’s eyes. “It’s the past. Five years in the past. Not now.”
“Ohmigosh,” Tess says, completely disregarding the serious turn the conversation took. “That night of the poker party at Emmy’s penthouse, Landon didn’t just take you home, did he? You guys were having a secret sex date, weren’t you?” Tess smacks me, already moving on from Sophia.
And I get it.
She would think talking about Landon and me is a lot more fun than discussing my five-year-old. Because our lives are so completely different. Landon thinks the two parts of my life can be merged, and merged with his. But he is so over his head. He has no clue.
And neither do I.
Landon
It’s really fucking simple. Get my dad’s company, therefore securing a legitimate job, and prove to Claire that I can be the sort of man she needs.
Because right now the only thing standing in our way is her fear.
Because, shit, I’m all in with her.
“You proposed?” Ace asks, stunned. The girls are in my bedroom, and I’m walking out of the house with Ace, needing to get fresh air like I never have before.
Running my hands through my hair, I sit down on the back steps. Ace paces the yard.
“This is all kinds of insane,” he says. “When did you fall for her?”