Justice(76)

A sarcastic laugh escapes before I can stop it. “I guess.”

“What does that mean?”

I shake my head. “It means I was a two-faced bitch who only pretended to be her friend when in reality I wanted to push her off a cliff a lot of the time.”

“Really? Why?”

“Nothing she did. It wasn’t her fault. She was nice. Kind, funny, smart, just perfect. I would have liked her if I let myself. There was just one thing I could never get past about her.”

“What?”

I look up at the superhero and smile sadly. “That he loved her, not me.”

Justice’s shoulders slump. “Who? Your…friend, Mr. Pendergast?”

“Worst kept secret in Galilee. I’m surprised you never heard.”

“No, I didn’t.” He pauses, clearing his throat. “How long have you harbored these feelings?”

I scoff. “Forever.” I sit back down, suddenly tired. “From the moment he opened his mouth twenty years ago, my heart belonged to him.” I shrug. “But he didn’t want it. Probably never will.” I bite my lower lip. “Then she came. She was everything I wasn’t: sweet, charming, gorgeous. And he wanted her. So I hated her. Him a little, too. But they got their comeuppance, huh? Ha fucking ha,” I say sarcastically as my voice breaks. “Sure showed them.”

Justice sits across from me. “Wishing a person dead does not make it happen, Joanna. You know that.”

“I brought a monster with a grudge into their lives. I let him walk past me. Twice.” I run my hands through my hair. “I was so pissed at him I let my anger cloud my judgment. I bruised his ego. Dared him to come out. I knew what he was, what he was capable of, but I did it anyway to prove what a badass I am. You have the right idea, hiding behind that mask. You know, going after me I understand. I poked a rabid dog with a stick, he should bite me. But going after an officer’s friends and family is something you just don’t do. You don’t. He did.”

“There was no way you could have known,” he says after a long pause.

“They wouldn’t even be on his radar if it wasn’t for me. Everything, everyone I touch, I damage. My dad, my mom, Har—” I stop myself. I take a moment to collect myself. “Justin saved my life, you know. Now I’m the cause of the rape and murder of the love of his life and future daughter. He’ll wish he had let me jump. He’d be right to.”

“Never think that. Never,” Justice says vehemently. He leans across the table, reaching for my face. He lifts my chin up to where his hidden eyes are. “Listen to the words coming out of my mouth like you have never listened to anything before. This is not your fault. This is in no way, shape, or form your fault. He did not target them because you called her your friend, your sister. He didn’t target them because you didn’t like her for whatever reason.” He pauses before saying, “He didn’t do this because you’re a horrible person who deserves misery. He did this…” he says, voice quaking, “He did this…”

He can’t finish the sentence. He falls back into his seat, and looks away as if I can see underneath the mask. I’ll bet this is the closest he’s let another person glean what’s behind it in a long time. I guess sometimes we all forget that under the costume and powers there’s a human being in there. He pays his bills, he washes his clothes, and maybe he cries in the shower so no one can hear him just like me. We’re not so different, him and I.

“This isn’t your fault either,” I say. “You’re only one man. You can’t be everywhere. You can’t know everything. You caught him once. You’re the one who got him off the streets for three years when no one else could. We need you now. We need you strong. Fierce. We need our hero.”

As those words pop out, I realize I mean them. I’ve resented him for an event that wasn’t his fault for decades. He’s not God. He wasn’t there that night to punish me. He’s as fallible as the rest of us. A pang of regret hits me. All these years working together with my old idol and I’ve squandered it. I could have learned from him. We could have helped each other more. All for nothing.

For a moment he looks at me. Really looks at me. I’m uncomfortable, but don’t let it show. “And here I thought you hated me,” he says.

“I don’t hate you. You’ve pissed me off sometimes. Made me feel inept. Obsolete. And…you let me down once, but that wasn’t your fault.” I take a deep breath and say it because it’s true. “I just, I—I feel better knowing you’re on my side.”