He raises an eyebrow, but moves toward the wall. I climb into the twin bed with my back to him, resting my head on the pillow and wrapping his arm around my chest. With a sigh, I close my eyes. He nestles in closer to me.
“What if someone walks in?” Harry asks.
“I locked the door.” I kiss his hand. “Don’t worry.”
He relaxes a little, laying his head back down. This is one of the reasons he’s such a great boyfriend. Most men would be taking advantage of this situation, trying to make a move for public sex, but Harry just holds me and traces a circle on my sternum with his thumb. “Did you get any sleep?” he whispers.
“Hour or two.”
“I could kiss Gearhead. I got approval to send everyone home at five.”
“Yourself included, I hope.”
“Why do you think I asked? Forget the rest of you, I’m bone tired. I remember I used to do thirty-six hours with nothing but coffee and willpower. I hate getting old.”
“You’re not that old, Harry.”
“My body begs to differ.”
“Your body didn’t seem to think it was that old last Friday. Remember? All three times?”
He chuckles. “I must still be recovering then. You do take it out of me. Literally.”
I playfully slap his hand. “Filthy talk, old man. And at our place of business no less.”
“You are the one who climbed into bed with me, Det. Fallon.”
“I hate it when you’re all logical and right.” I tilt my head back and he pecks me. I kiss him deeper and roll over, facing him now. I break the kiss and nestle into my Harry nook. He wraps his arms around me. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
Being you. “Nothing.”
“Have a bad day?”
“No more than usual. Just needed a hug.”
He kisses the top of my head. “Happy to oblige, ma’am.”
We lay like this, the only sound from his heartbeat and breathing. I want to talk to him about today, hell about everything. He knows about my Pop, about Mom, but how can I talk to him about Justin? He knows we’re close, but like most things we’ve never discussed how close. I’m sure he’s guessed my feelings, but he’s never called me out on them. Another reason I need to hold onto him. He just…accepts me. As is. Screwed up, ornery, cranky, and yet here he is. Petting my hair and risking his reputation for me. I’m nuts. I can have it all. Respect, acceptance, even love, if I just let go of the impossible.
Just let go.
“I want you to come with me to Justin’s party tomorrow,” I say.
He does a double take. Guess I surprised him. “You’re going?”
“If I can. Do you…want to come?”
He’s speechless. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, then chuckles. “Really?”
“Definitely. It has to happen sometime. It has been five months. It’s only a matter of time before someone finds out, we both know that. This way we’d have control over it.”
“I—I just don’t know if it’s a good idea,” he stammers.
“You can say no if you don’t want to go. It’s fine.” Of course it isn’t. I flip over again so he can’t see my face.
He sighs. “There’s just a lot to consider.”
“I know,” I say, keeping my voice neutral. “I said it’s fine. Just a thought. I’ll just go alone like I was planning to, no biggie.”
He’s quiet for a few seconds, then says, “I want to go. I really do. I want to walk in there with the prettiest girl on my arm, and dance with her, and show her off. You know I do. I’m just, I’m worried. We’ve both worked so hard to get where we are.”
“Harry, we’ve been damn lucky so far. If we keep seeing each other, it will come out, we both know that, and we know what they’re going to say. I’m sleeping my way to the top, you’re going through a mid-life crisis and taking advantage of me. I don’t care. People have been saying nasty things about me all my life. You get used to it. You survive it. They’re not going to fire either of us. We’re both too high profile and too good at our jobs.”
“They could transfer one of us.”
“If they try, I’ll have Justin blackmail and threaten everyone in city hall and the department. It’s one of the few pleasures of being the best friend of the crown prince of Galilee. If they do transfer me to vice or homicide, then so be it. I can come back when you’re promoted and they bring in someone else.” I pause. “You’re worth it, Harry.”
He’s quiet again. “This is important to you, isn’t it?”