“You know, I’ve seen her all of three times,” V says as she sips her drink, “and every time she’s had a smile on her face.”
“I’ve seen her a billion times and can say the same thing,” I say.
“Nobody is that happy all the time without pharmaceutical intervention. You sure she’s not on happy pills? Cause if she is, I want a prescription.”
“No. She’s just like a fairytale princess with birds fluttering around her head, chirping a melody or something.” I sip my black coffee. “And why not? She escaped the evil ex-husband, has a precious daughter, she saves babies all day, and now she’s got the handsome prince madly in love with her. Hell, I’d smile all the time too.”
“And in this fairy tale, who do you cast yourself as?”
“I alternate between the wicked crone thrusting a poison apple in her face or the troll under the bridge. Depends on my hair that day.”
V chuckles and shakes her head. “I don’t know how you do it. I’d want to rip her hair out.” My dear cousin is the only person I’ve actually admitted my feelings about Justin to. Everyone else just knows.
“If I did that, it’d just grow back more lustrous than before.”
“Most likely, but at least you’d feel better for a few seconds.”
“She’s so nice, V,” I say. “You know what she said to me today? That she wishes she was like me. That I’m fearless and strong, and that she’s threatened. By me! Can you believe that shit? I felt like such an asshole. I wanted to run screaming from the table or slap her to stop the words.”
“That bitch,” V says, sarcastically. “Liking you. The nerve.”
“Funny, cuz.”
V sips her coffee. “I don’t know. You’ve always had such a blind spot when it comes to Justin. Always. You justify his every action. You can’t see his faults, and he can do no wrong. It’s not healthy. Maybe it’s time you started distancing yourself from him. He is not worth the pain. Put away fucking childish things and move on. He’s gone. You will never have what you want. She’s the one he’s marrying. She’s the one who will have his children. She’s the one who gets to share his bed. His life! She’s the most important person to him now. You’re the one he’ll go out for drinks with after work to bitch about trivialities like her snoring and playful nagging. It’s not you and him against the world anymore, it’s her and him. He’s not alone anymore; he doesn’t need you like he did. He has a family now, a real one. And the sooner you realize that, you moron, the sooner you’ll get a life of your own. Like you deserve. You deserve to be happy, Jo. It’s okay to be happy.”
The words sting like acid, but I know they’re true. “It’s not that easy. I’ve been in love with him for almost twenty years. A fucking lifetime! We’ve seen each other through the worst of the worst. He saved my life, V. I can’t just turn it off and say good-bye. I can’t.”
“Then start preparing yourself for the inevitable and try to make the best of it. Maybe actually truly try to embrace Rebecca and Daisy. Look at all her good traits, which I’m sure are legion. Think of it as gaining a friend, and not losing one.”
“You sound like an advice column,” I say with a sneer.
“I got this stuff from ‘Ask Mary.’ If it was me, the second I realized he would never love me back, I would have run the other way. But you know this. I think you just like torturing yourself. You’re only happy when you’re miserable. You get that from Aunt Maeve.” She sips her coffee. “Speaking of, so I no longer have to listen to this crap for the trillionth time, cousin dear, Dad’s planning on going out to the cemetery on her birthday next week. He wants to know if you want to go too.”
“He can give her my regards.” Ten years ago my mom fulfilled my prophecy of her death, passing out drunk with a lit cigarette and burning her apartment down. I hadn’t spoken to her in four years, and only found out when someone at the department contacted me as a courtesy. Didn’t shed one tear for that abusive alcoholic. I used to go to the cemetery with Uncle Ray, the only one of her siblings who still gave a damn about her, but the whole thing felt phony. “I’ll pass.”
“He also wants to know why you haven’t called him back.”
“I’m busy. I’ve only slept about eight hours in four days, okay? I’ll try to make Sunday supper this week.”
“And Bobby wants to know how to get a permit to carry a handgun. And Eamon wants to know if his application to Pendergast Productions went through. And R.J. needs another speeding ticket fixed.” V’s the eldest and only girl, poor thing. “And I shouldn’t have to play messenger girl. You need to call them back, if you can pull yourself out of your own misery for a minute. We’re your real family, remember?”