Justice(105)
“What happened?”
“It’s Master Justin,” he says. “I’m frightened for him. He’s…I’ve never seen him like this before.”
“Well, what—what’s the matter with him?” I’ve been trying in vain not to think about him the last few days. I’m glad I said what I did, but his expression right before he left plagues me. He might have broken my heart, but I eviscerated his.
“Miss Joanna, he just keeps watching home movies and going through the Alkaline file obsessively. He hasn’t slept an hour and refuses to eat. He barely leaves the command center, let alone the house. Every time I suggest he take care of himself, he just walks away without a word. And Miss Lucy, he won’t even look at her. I’ve known that boy everyday of his life. I know he’s slipping away, and I feel so helpless. It’s breaking my heart. Please help us.”
“Do you think he’d hurt himself?”
He’s unable to talk for a moment, then says, “I honestly don’t know. He phoned his attorney to amend his will.” Dobbs’ look of hopelessness rocks me. “Please, Miss Joanna. I don’t know what else to do.”
Neither do I. My first impulse is to jump in a car, drive to the mansion, and not leave until I draw out a smile. But the image of him in that tunnel as I’m screaming at him to stop makes my stomach clench. “I’m sorry he’s upset, I really am. He’s been through a lot, I know that. I just, I can’t see him right now. I can’t. I don’t…have it in me. I don’t. He’s strong. He’ll be fine. I’m sorry.”
I rush out of the room from his disbelieving expression like the coward I am.
***
I stare out the window of the taxi at the nearly full moon, willing myself to unknot all my limbs and to push all thoughts of Justin slowly killing himself in that cold mansion away. The words, “He’ll be fine…” cycle through my head as if repetition will make it so. I’m so deep in thought and wound up that when Harry takes my hand, I jump.
“Sorry,” he says, as startled as I am. “Sorry. Are you all right?”
“Sorry,” I say with a chuckle. “I was just thinking.”
“You’ve been out of sorts since we left the station.”
“I just, I’m fine.” I smile and turn back to my window. “I’ll be fine.”
Fine. What a strange, overused word. We’re all always fine, even when we don’t mean it, and we rarely mean it. People let us get away with it because they really don’t care. Most of the time they’re too damn busy dealing with their own fine and don’t give a damn about yours, even when you’re drowning. One of the reasons I’m falling, if I’m not already in love with Harry is that he never settles for fine.
He puts his arm around me, pulling me toward him. I rest my head on this shoulder. “Tell me.”
“Dobbs brought Lucy to the station. She’s in a bad way. They all are. Especially…you know. He just sounded so scared.”
“What about?”
“He said Justin’s not eating. Not sleeping. He’s…it’s not good.”
“Is he a danger to himself?”
“I—I don’t know. I mean, of course he’s depressed. Anyone would be. But he’ll be fine. Just fine.”
I don’t even convince myself, let alone him. Harry is silent for a moment and I’m afraid to look at him in case I’m greeted by disapproval or disgust. Not that I don’t deserve them. “Driver,” Harry finally says, “we’ve changed our minds. We need to go to 3377 Kane Lane in the Gardens. And please hurry.”
The driver nods and turns the car around. I sit up. “What are you doing? We can’t go. We’ll miss our flight.”
“There are other flights.”
“No, that’s not fair to you.”
“I’m not spending my vacation with you like this. You’ll spend the entire time worrying instead of relaxing, thinking of him instead of me. Believe me, I’m being selfish.”
“No. No, Harry,” I say, shaking my head, “I can’t. I can’t face him. I’ll be useless. I’m still too furious at him. I’ll just make things worse.”
“That’s bullshit and we both know it.”
“I’m not going.”
“Then either you’re a coward, or you’re just cruel.”
“What?”
“One bad decision and you’re ready to chuck it all in. Twenty years, Joanna. That’s longer than most marriages. Does that one bad negate all the good?”