With a nod, she raises her gaze to me. “I know. I did, though. Sorry.”
“Don’t be. You’ve always gone to him about this sort of thing. He was the first person I wanted to call after I left your place.”
“Why didn’t you?” she asks, her voice soft and sweet, yet also sad.
“You know why.” I try to keep a neutral expression, but deep down, it hurts, knowing that I couldn’t turn to my best friend like I used to.
Another beat of silence fills the room. Finally, Amelia exhales, her posture relaxing slightly as she tucks her hair behind her ears. “Look, originally I came here to apologize, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I shouldn’t have to. Not right away, anyway.” A pause. I want to respond, but I can sense she’s not quite finished, and I owe her the opportunity to continue. I’ll get my chance. “I understand why you did what you did,” she says. “But…” She takes a deep breath when her voice wavers. “The things you said? I’ve never known you to be so hurtful…not even to Gretchen.”
I didn’t think I could feel guiltier about my earlier word vomit, but soon it’s all that consumes me. It weighs on me like a ton of bricks, and I can’t seem to lessen the load. “Amelia, I…”
“No,” she interrupts, shaking her head and sniffling as she holds her tears back. I can tell just by looking at her that she’s cried recently, and it breaks my heart. I yearn to hold her. “You hurt me—like, really hurt me—and while I’m sorry that my actions last night upset you, I won’t apologize for standing up for myself and asking you to leave this morning. I didn’t come here to beg your forgiveness, only to tell you that I get why you reacted the way you did.”
Her confession stuns me into silence, and while my guilt refuses to relent, my respect for Amelia grows. Even though I’m nervous I might say something else that will piss her off, I have to try and make things right. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry for the things I said or implied earlier.”
“There was no implication, Owen,” she counters, sounding adamant. “You told me I haven’t earned your trust. You called me a petulant child.”
Having my words thrown back at me stings, but I can’t blame her for doing it; I was an ass. I need to own it…but at the same time, she needs to know why I said what I did. “Amelia, I don’t view you as a child—far from it. You’re so far beyond your years, which is probably why it’s so easy to be with you…”
“But?” she interjects, sensing where the conversation is going.
I sigh. “Truthfully, you put yourself at risk last night. You drank beyond your limit, for whatever reason, and you gave no consideration to me or our relationship by partying like that.”
Defensiveness flares up in her eyes, but she maintains reasonable composure. “Okay. Now, by saying this, I’m assuming you’ve never—not even once—gotten a little carried away while drinking with friends…to the point of doing something you initially weren’t proud of? Recently, even?”
I pick up on her meaning immediately and find myself stammering. “I-I… Well, yes. If I’m being entirely honest, I have.” I pause briefly, trying to find out how to help her understand why what happened with us that night we accidentally wound up in bed together and last night is like comparing apples to oranges.
“I get that what happened between us isn’t the same as what I did with Justin—I do—but my point is that, while I definitely drank too much, I didn’t do it with the intention of putting myself at risk for such behavior.” She sighs, looking down at the floor. “I did it to try and put the fact that you weren’t coming out of my mind. Was it careless? Absolutely. Was it intentional? No. I hadn’t realized just how much I’d had to drink. I simply lost track. I didn’t do it to hurt or punish you in some way. It was wrong and a little…childish.” She says the last word with shame in her voice as she raises her eyes to me.
I offer her a small smile, appreciating that she opened up like that. “Fair enough,” I reply, trying to find a way to casually segue back to the original topic. “Your refusal to listen to me this morning upset me. You kept shutting me down and telling me I was the bad guy. You wouldn’t let me try to plead my case. You just bulldozed over me and kicked me out. It was that specific behavior that prompted what I said—and even then I only asked you to stop acting like a petulant child. I never called you one.”