Just a Little Crush(53)

“Look at me.”

I stared at the wall.

“Please,” he whispered.

Tears streamed down my face. If I’d thought I couldn’t be more embarrassed tonight, I’d been wrong.

His arms encircled me and he turned me around. “This isn’t what you really want tonight.”

I crossed my arms. “Well, there won’t be another night. I won’t ask again.”

He smiled and tilted my head up. “You don’t have to. I said ask me sober. You just did.”

“Yeah, well, you also said you wouldn’t say no.”

“And I’m not saying no. I’m saying not tonight. But I can assure you, I fully intend to take you up on that. Just not now, not when you’re crying. Not when you’re sad. Because when we are finally together, it won’t be like this. Understand?”

I plopped back onto his bed. “You really know how to make a girl feel desirable,” I grumbled.

“I—That’s not—” He shifted his weight. “Goddammit.” With his finger he tilted my chin up and covered my mouth with his. He thrust his tongue between my lips and tangled it with mine.

The bed bounced as he gripped my waist and tossed me back. His knee pressed into the mattress as he scooted over me. His mouth continued its onslaught as he devoured me with kisses.

“I’ve never wanted a girl like I’ve wanted you,” he whispered, then moved his lips down my neck. “But you don’t understand what that means.”

“Then tell me.” I cupped his cheek and forced him to make eye contact.

“I want you. In my life. All the time.”

My heart stuttered as I stared into his eyes.

“I’ve never tried to do things right.” His brushed his lips over mine. “You know, it’s a hell of a lot easier to not screw up when you aren’t trying.” He tucked my hair behind my ear. “But I’m scared to make a mistake with you. I think I’m doing the right thing but then you get upset. Just tell me, Brinley. Tell me what to do, and I will.”

“You know what I want.”

He shifted his gaze and sucked his lip ring into his mouth. When he turned back, a fine line formed between his brows. “Have you really thought about this? Once we do this…you’ll never get that moment back. I—I’m not sure it should be me.”

It wasn’t until then that it occurred to me that taking someone’s virginity might be more a burden than a blessing. Which ultimately made me feel shitty to push it on him.

“Shit.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry. Please don’t feel like you have to do this. Honestly. I’m not offended. I feel like such an idiot to make it all about me. You shouldn’t have to bear the burden of being my first.”

“Wait. No. That’s not what I mean. I meant it shouldn’t be me because I don’t deserve this. There’s nothing that makes me special. You should never look back and think you should have waited for the right person.”

My chest tightened around my swelling heart. “As far as I’m concerned, you’ve just confirmed how very right you are.” I pushed my fingers into his hair and pulled his mouth to mine. My other hand slid under his shirt as I ran my fingers over the ridges of his abs, making my way to the tattoo on his chest. His lips moved along mine with a gentleness that didn’t fit the image Ryder broadcast. But the more time I spent with him, the more I realized somewhere inside him remained that sixteen-year-old boy who, in seven minutes, managed to etch a lifelong memory onto my heart.

Ryder pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside. “It’s never too late to change your mind, okay?”

I nodded. “Same goes for you.”

The corner of his mouth quirked up. “Mine’s been made.” He kissed my forehead, my cheek, then my lips.

Grabbing the hem of my shirt, I pulled it off. “Mine too.”

He gazed down my body then placed a kiss between my breasts. His eyes flicked up and he grinned. “Your heart is racing.”

I smiled back. “It kind of always does that around you.”

He placed my hand on his chest; his heart beat rapidly against it. He raised my hand and pressed his lips into the center of my palm, then slid his fingers between mine and rested our joined hands on the mattress.

He shifted his body, aligning it next to mine, and unbuttoned my jeans. He paused and glanced into my eyes. When I made no move, he glided the zipper down and tugged my pants over my hips. I raised up slightly and kicked them off. With his fingertip he traced a line along the top of my panties before kissing my belly button, which triggered a giggle.

He smiled at me then ran his fingers up my stomach to the front closure of my bra. He pressed his finger against the clasp and paused. “You’re like a present too perfect to unwrap.”