“I will. Don’t you worry.” She patted my hand, then asked, “Did Mason drive you?”
“No, another friend. Ryder.” I couldn’t help but smile at the mention of his name.
“Ryder.” She smiled back. “Well, I can’t wait to meet him.”
“I can’t wait for you to meet him either. And when you’re out of here, I’ll introduce you.”
“It will be soon. I’m already feeling better. Which means everyone should go home to rest. No more worrying about me.”
“You shouldn’t be here alone.”
“Alone? I can’t get five minutes to myself without a nurse or doctor barging in.” She chuckled.
“You want me to get Mom home?” I’d decided to cut to the chase and get down to what I knew she really wanted to say.
Grandma nodded. “She has the keys to her car and I don’t want her attempting to drive. I need my rest anyway. It’s for the best she goes home and sleeps this off. You should all get a good night’s sleep.”
As much as I didn’t want to leave Grandma, I definitely didn’t want Mom here stressing her out either. “I’ll get her home.”
“Thank you,” she said. “I really am going to be fine. Don’t worry about me. Okay?”
I nodded and fought back my emotions and the urge to launch myself into her arms and beg her not to leave me. Plead with her heart to never give out on her again. Implore life to extend hers beyond my own, unable to envision living a single day in a world she was not a part of. But instead, I leaned forward and, with a gentle hug, I whispered, “Bye, Grandma. I love you. Feel better soon.”
“Of course. I need to meet this new boy.”
—
I’d anticipated the car ride home would be bad; it was worse.
“College girl thinks she’s better than me.” Mom’s words slurred as she berated me.
I pushed my tongue into my cheek to avoid responding.
“I was pretty too, you know. Look where it got me. That boy won’t stick around. He’ll get what he wants and be out the door as soon as you’re useless. When you’re fat and pregnant, he won’t want you.”
I glanced in my rearview mirror at Ryder’s car trailing along behind us, thankful he couldn’t hear what she’d said.
“What? You too good to talk to me now?” She grumbled to herself, “No good. Should have used a condom.”
My stomach twisted. I knew it was the alcohol talking, though I always suspected they were her true feelings. The things she barely managed to keep hidden sober. The hurtful, hateful truth.
We pulled into Grandma’s driveway. The home I’d grown up in, and the one Mom still lived in. I stepped out of the car feeling emotionally drained. Between her drunken rant and my grandma’s condition, my insides felt battered and bruised.
I helped Mom from the passenger side as Ryder pulled in behind me. I wanted to get her in as quick as possible, embarrassed for him to see how fucked-up my family life was. When he approached, I handed him the house key. “Can you unlock the door?”
“Sure.”
He held it open as Mom stumbled through.
“Let go,” she hissed, wriggling free of me. “I don’t need you. I don’t want your help. You’re not better than me,” she yelled.
I stepped back with my hands raised. “I’m just trying to help. I’m sorry.”
Ryder glanced at me, his face twisted into some unreadable expression.
Mom banged her hip into a small table and screamed jumbled profanities. A vase teetered then settled back on its base.
“Let’s go.” Ryder reached for my hand.
“I have to make sure she gets to bed.”
“No, you don’t.” He kept his voice low. “She’s an adult and you don’t have to help her. She doesn’t want it and she sure as hell doesn’t deserve it.”
Mom made her way down the hall toward her room. She threw open the bedroom door; it slammed into the wall and bounced back, barely missing her as she staggered past. Something crashed onto the ground. Hopefully not her.
“It will just take a minute to get her into bed. You can leave if you want. I have her car to get back to the hospital in the morning.”
“I’m not leaving you here.” He crossed his arms. “Just help her and then we’ll go. You don’t need to stay here with her like this.”
I shook my head but before I could go after her, she reappeared wearing only her T-shirt and panties.
“Mom,” I blurted. “Go back to your room.”
Ryder scrubbed his hand over his eyes and turned away.
“Where is he?” she asked.