“I know.” He tapped his pen on the desk. Then leaned forward and ran both his hands through his hair. “I can’t remember all the details but I feel sick over the way I acted. It’s hazy—I know it was bad.”
“Yeah. It was.” I rested my chin in my palm and studied him. He looked like shit and truly remorseful. “It doesn’t change the way I feel about you though.”
His dark eyes flicked up and softened. “You can be mad. It’s okay.”
“I never said I wasn’t. But it doesn’t mean I can’t let it go.”
Professor Adams walked in and cleared his throat.
“We can talk after class,” I whispered.
He nodded.
“One more thing.” I asked, “Is Noah here?”
Mason’s gaze darted over my shoulder. “Um, yeah, and he hasn’t stopped staring at you for the last five minutes.”
I sighed and nodded. “Thanks.”
With my hair as a shield, I kept my head down, refusing to spare Noah a glance. As soon as class was over, I grabbed my stuff and rushed out of the auditorium with Mason.
“So what was that about?”
“I’m not sure. Something is going on with him and Ryder and now I’m in the middle of it.” After this morning’s conversation, I couldn’t help but feel like there was more to the story than Ryder had told me.
Mason stared at the ground as we walked. “So what’s going on between you and Ryder?”
“Before we talk about that, I want to talk about us. We need to clear everything up. Okay?”
“Yeah. Meet me for lunch?”
“Sure. The union ?”
“Yeah, meet you there at noon.”
“See you then.”
While walking to my next class I pulled out my phone to check for messages. There weren’t any. I sighed then summoned the courage to text Ryder.
Me: So what was that really about this morning?
I stared at my phone waiting for a response. Even once seated for my next class, I kept the phone out, praying he’d respond. My stomach twisted. Maybe he was still in bed? I’m sure he’d see it later and answer me.
At lunch later, I left my phone out while Mason and I talked.
“So how much do you remember?” I asked.
“More than I’d like.” He dipped a French fry in ketchup. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.” I smiled. “And I know you didn’t sleep with Fallon.”
He hung his head. “How about you and Ryder?”
“Did I sleep with him?” I scoffed. “No. You know me better than that. Do you really hate him that much?”
“I hate the thought of him. With you.”
“Because you think he’ll hurt me?”
“Yeah. And he’s not good enough for you.”
“How do you know? You don’t really know him.” I nibbled on my chips. “He’s not like you think.”
Mason rolled his eyes. “Come on, Brinley. Don’t be stupid.”
“Don’t. Don’t make me feel like an idiot over this. You don’t know him, but you know me and you know I’m not going to make a stupid decision. I’ve managed this far in life without being screwed over by every guy who looks my way. I think I can handle Ryder.”
“Nobody can handle that guy. He’s a real piece.”
“Look, I need a friend right now, but if you can’t talk about Ryder without insulting me in the process of talking shit about him, then we won’t talk about it. Okay?”
“You can talk to me.” He sighed. “I’m sorry.”
He hadn’t brought up the kiss and I didn’t care to either. I hoped it was one of the things his drunk brain had blacked out. It was better forgotten. “Are we okay, then?”
“I hope.” He smiled.
“Good.” I smiled back.
—
Three days had passed with no word from Ryder. It had been an excruciating seventy-two hours for me, but in boy-time, three days probably wasn’t much. At least that’s what I tried to tell myself, though I’d started to give up hope.
When Thursday rolled around, Fallon took off with friends. It was college night downtown and she never missed an opportunity to party. She’d planned to crash at a friend’s apartment, which normally meant Mason would come hang out in my room when he got off work, but after the crazy weekend, I decided not to mention it.
I flipped through the channels looking for something to watch. I was bored and depressed and hated that I’d let myself get attached to Ryder. He’d warned me. At least I didn’t actually have sex with him. Though it still hurt to think he didn’t have the decency to call and even try to explain what had happened at his place that day.