She let out a sigh. "Okay, you can come in."
Sam took off his rain slicker, leaving it to dry on the porch. Then he stepped inside and set the large plastic bag on the floor. "Kite stuff," he explained at her quizzical look.
"Megan will be thrilled."
"Where is she?"
"Upstairs watching television."
"Do you want to call her?"
"In a minute." She walked toward the kitchen, and he followed behind. "Have you eaten? I made spaghetti. It's almost ready."
"Sounds good."
She walked over to the stove and stirred the sauce if for no other reason than to keep her hands busy. Sam leaned against one of the counters, watching her. She couldn't remember when he'd just stood and watched her without heading for the table and the newspaper or flipping on the small television they kept in the kitchen cabinet. There had always been distractions between them. Now it was quiet, too quiet.#p#分页标题#e#
"I'm sorry, Alli," he said unexpectedly.
She whirled around, spoon in hand. "For what?"
"Being late today, leaving you to do the fish, throwing Tessa in your face."
"Anything else?"
"I'll start with that," he said with a small smile.
"I don't want an apology for—you know."
"Good, because I wasn't going to offer one."
She felt vaguely ticked off at that piece of information, even though she would have been just as offended if he'd said he was sorry. No wonder Sam couldn't understand her. She couldn't understand herself.
"Why weren't you?" she asked, knowing it was the worst possible question.
He stared at her for a long moment. "What do you want from me, Alli?"
"I don't know," she murmured.
"You used to be pretty clear on the subject."
"I used to have tunnel vision. I'm trying to look around in the shadows now and see what I've missed."
"Have you found anything?"
"Only that it appears to be true that you want what you can't have. You weren't this interested in kissing me three months ago."
He took two steps and he was suddenly right in front of her, his hands slipping onto her waist, and when she started to back up, she felt the dials of the stove stab into her back. She was trapped by his body, by his eyes. She swallowed hard.
"I've never not wanted to kiss you," he said somberly, as if he were telling both of them some truth that had just appeared between them.
"Why?"
"What do you mean, why?"
"Why do you want to kiss me? Because you're a man and I'm a woman, and it's convenient?"
"You know that's not it."
"But you still can't say the words."
"We don't need words to communicate. In fact, we're a lot better when we don't talk." He kissed her on the mouth, softly, gently, like he was tasting something precious, something he wanted to linger over, enjoy.
Alli closed her eyes and let it happen. She was tired of fighting Sam, tired of fighting herself. His mouth was warm, as cozy as her kitchen, as delicious as the brownies baking in the oven. He was her home, her family, her life, in every breath that she took. She kissed him back, putting her hand behind his neck so he couldn't change his mind, couldn't pull away. But he didn't even try, and each kiss grew more heated, more needy, more hungry, until their hands grew restless, seeking a satisfaction they couldn't possibly find in the middle of the kitchen.
"This isn't going to work," Sam murmured against her mouth when they finally took a moment to breathe. "The steam from the sauce is curling your hair."
"Is that why I feel so hot?" she asked breathlessly. She stepped away from the stove and brushed her hair off her face. He looked at her in a way so intimate, so personal, she wanted to take his hand and race him upstairs. But upstairs, on their bed, was an eight-year-old girl. "We have to stop doing this."
"Maybe we should just do it, and then see how we feel."
"That's not the answer, Sam."
"Then what is?"
"I don't know," she said in exasperation.
"Then how do you know I'm wrong?"
She shrugged. "I don't. But there's a long tried-and-true tradition of divorcing couples not sleeping together."
The beeper on the stove went off, signaling that the brownies were done. Thank God. She desperately needed the interruption. As she opened the oven door and took out the brownies, Sam moved back to his position against the far counter.#p#分页标题#e#
"I saw your grandmother today. We had a nice chat," he said.
"I stopped by earlier, but she was sleeping. What did she say?"
"She wanted to know if we found the pearl yet."