"I wasn't sure you had any regrets."
"I wasn't sure you had any. Look at you, Tessa. You're on top of the world. Why would you give a second thought to that small-town guy who treated you wrong all those years ago?"
"Because I loved that small-town guy," she whispered. "I did love you, Sam."
"I loved you, too." He hesitated. "I was going to ask you to marry me that Christmas. I even had a ring. It was a quarter-carat diamond, I think." He gave her a wry smile. "I'm not sure you could actually see the stone, but I thought it would work until I could afford something better."
She was shocked by his words. They'd never discussed marriage, never even mentioned it. "Sam, I don't understand. We were twenty years old. We were in college. We weren't ready to get married."
He looked away from her for a moment, then turned back. "I think I knew even then you were slipping away from me, and I was trying somewhat desperately to hold on to you."#p#分页标题#e#
"I wasn't going anywhere."
"Yes, you were. Half the male population at college was in love with you, and those modeling agencies were hot to sign you, and then you got that commercial. I knew you were going places, Tessa, and I thought maybe I could stay up with you if I married you. When you didn't come home with me, I knew it was over."
"Why didn't you ask me before I left?"
"I had this wild idea that you might change your mind and show up in time for Christmas. When you didn't, I got drunk."
He didn't have to say the rest, because she already knew it.
"It was still wrong," she said.
"I know."
She thought about all those years ago, wondering she hadn't been a bit vain and self-centered back then. The way Sam made it sound, it had always been about her, but she'd thought he was right there with her, enjoying the same things, only he really hadn't been.
"I guess I could apologize, too," she said slowly. "I didn't realize you were feeling left behind. I thought you would always be there when I needed you."
"You didn't need me, Tessa. I could see that. Oh, sure, we talked about me being your business manager, your agent, but I was a twenty-year-old kid. I might have been good at math, but that was pretty much it. Our dreams were crazy dreams, they were illogical, they were foolish."
"But they were ours. I did need you, Sam. You were my anchor. You kept me grounded. You made me feel like there was someone to catch me if I fell." She paused, thinking about their relationship back then. "From the first day I met you I knew I could count on you not to let me down. And you didn't, until, well, you know."
He leaned forward, staring into her eyes. "I would have caught you if you fell, Tessa, but the truth is—you never fell. Not even after…" He paused, taking a breath. "You just went on with your life. In fact, you made a success of your life without me. You didn't need me then; I doubt you ever did."
"How can you say that? We did everything together growing up. We learned how to kiss, how to dance. We learned chemistry together." She dropped her voice down to a whisper. "I thought the first time I made love it would be with you. We got so close so many times. But we never made love. Why didn't we?"
"You wanted to wait. You always wanted to wait."
Because she had wanted it to be perfect, to be special, and the time had never seemed right.
"I waited too long, didn't I?" she asked. "You needed the sex. That's why you went to Alli."
Sam's eyes darkened. "No." He got to his feet. "Look, Tessa, the past didn't work out the way either of us wanted it to work out. But it's over. We can't go back."
"We can only go forward," she murmured.
His face tightened, but she couldn't tell what he was thinking.
"I want to know who you are today, Sam," she continued. "Because you're clearly not the boy I remember. I see signs of him here and there, but then there's a man I don't know, who's making me confused, unsure."
"About what?"
"About what he wants. About what I want." She stood up and moved over to him. "Do you want go forward—with me?"
* * *
The whirring click caught Alli by surprise. She looked up from her calculator and found herself gazing into the lens of a camera.
"Hey," she protested as Jimmy snapped another photograph. "What are you doing?"
"Photographing the hardworking retail shop owner at work."#p#分页标题#e#
Alli put a self-conscious hand to her hair. "I must look awful."
"You look tired, worried, a bit distracted." He glanced around the shop, which was currently occupied by two elderly women browsing through the postcards. "And definitely in need of a bit more business."