"Phoebe?" John questioned.
"We're not dressed for swimming."
"We'll dance on the water, then."
"As if we could."
"Maybe we can," he said lightly. "Would you like to try?"
She did and she didn't. She could feel a pull beneath her as if the ocean was trying to suck her in, and yet the water was still yards away.
"Have the girls found the pearl yet?" he asked her.
"They're still looking."
"When they find it, our family will come back together."
His words seemed suddenly to have a double meaning.
"What do you mean, John? What are you trying to tell me?" His image began to fade. "Don't go yet."
"I must."
"Talk to me."
"I will again, dear heart. Soon."
"No, help me," she cried, feeling the sand beneath her feet shift. She was falling, and she couldn't stop herself.
"Phoebe. Phoebe. Wake up!" William's sharp voice pulled her back from the edge of the sea. She blinked her eyes open in confusion. Had she been asleep? Had she been dreaming? Hadn't William left just a few minutes ago?
"You were calling out for help," William said worriedly. "Are you all right?"
"I was dreaming," she muttered.
"About what?"
She shook her head. "I don't remember."
"Well, everything is all right now. You don't have to be afraid. I'm here with you, and I'm not leaving until you can go with me."
"I don't think I can leave the sea," she said abruptly. For how could she leave a place that she continued to dream about.
"You can visit the ocean whenever you want. But I need to live in Philadelphia to tend to my business and my son."
She knew all about his only child from the first of two loveless marriages, for William had shared those stories ages ago. And the stories had only made her feel more guilty, for he had seemed to compare every love to the one he'd thought to have with her. And maybe they would have married if her parents hadn't asked her to at least meet John, consider marrying him. Maybe if she hadn't met John, she and William would have gotten together. But the world didn't revolve on maybes.
She gathered all her energy for a conversation she knew she had to have. "I don't think I can go with you," she said.
"Not now, but soon. When you're better. I love you, Phoebe. You know how much I love you."
She did, and the force of his emotions seemed too strong to rebut, especially since she didn't want to break his heart yet again. She'd thought for a time that she could marry him. He would be a companion, someone to share the days with, to laugh at a joke, to help with a crossword puzzle. But William wanted so much more from her than that.
"I don't love you the same way," she said finally. "I wish I did."
"I'll love enough for both of us."
God, he sounded just like Alli talking about Sam. "I would be cheating you," she tried again. "I'm not the girl who got away. I'm different."
"I know who you are, Phoebe. You're the woman I've loved my entire life. And we would have had our chance if it hadn't been for your parents and your loyalty to them. Maybe if I had been more well-off at the time, I could have taken you away from their plans. But I couldn't, and I am so sorry."
"I loved John. My marriage turned out to be good."
"I'm glad for that," he said gruffly. "I wouldn't have wanted you to be unhappy."#p#分页标题#e#
"Then why do you want me to be unhappy now?"
He looked taken aback. "I don't."
"My life is here."
"Your life could be anywhere. We'll spend half the year here if you want. Whatever you want," he said with desperation. "Phoebe, you were going to marry me before this happened. Don't change your mind now."
"I've been dreaming of John," she said helplessly.
"No, don't dream of John, dream of me," he said, pressing his forehead against hers.
"He comes to me," she whispered. "He wants me to go sailing. I don't know what to tell him."
William pulled away, looking very disturbed. "You have to say no, Phoebe. You have to stay here with me, you know that, don't you?"
"Have the girls found the pearl?" she asked, evading his question.
"Not yet."
"They will," she said to reassure herself.
"Maybe they shouldn't," he told her. "You need to hold on to this life, Phoebe, and let go of the one you had with John."
William was right, but Phoebe was torn between them, the past and the future. And what did either matter when her present was so uncertain? She closed her eyes again, and this time she fell into a dreamless sleep.